Pieces of a jigsaw puzzle...

Reading a very interesting book at the moment! =)

It's been good to be able to understand better some of the things that were just jigsaw pieces to me so far...

I guess, it's like all these time, I have been given different bits and pieces from a jigsaw puzzle, without ever being given a chance to see what the complete picture will look like... And now, finally, after such a long time, I am given a chance to see how the complete puzzle looks like and so all those pieces are seen in new light! =)

I know where they fit in the puzzle and I know what they are parts of - why their colours and shapes and shades etc are the way they are! =)

Buah simalakama...

Somehow, at the moment, gua ngerasa kalo gua tuh sedang di-suguh-i buah simalakama...

Bingung gitu loh... Ngga tau mo diapain...

Dimakan... salah!

Ngga dimakan... juga salah!

Tapi ngga diapa2in juga ngga bisa gitu loh... Soalnya kalo ngga diapa2in, jadi sama ama ngga dimakan... which is salah juga! =(

Bingung... =(

When words fail you...

There are times when words fail you...

When you feel so much is going on inside of you and/or around you that you no longer know how to process everything or how to express them with words...

When those you care about seem to be going through troubled waters and yet even your extended arm isn't long enough to reach them...

When you feel so overwhelmed by it all that you almost feel paralysed...

And yet I know that the LORD my God is still in control even in all this. That His arms are long enough to reach those across the distance, and that He does care for them much more than anyone in this world could!

And so even though words fail me... I know Him who would understand my broken prayers!

To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Psalm 46

His responsibility!

Some people might think that it's not a good idea to take all the responsibility/blame from someone, just in case s/he then work "irresponsibly".... But today, somehow, I felt I got / learned a new insight! =P

Maybe it's just me... Or maybe it's just him... Or maybe it's just the way we know each other's background and so trust each other enough?

Anyway, he knows that I get quite overwhelmed by a "sense of responsibility" - that is, I am actually someone who can function and work better when I'm not the one "responsible". Of course at the end I have to do my bit responsibly! But yeah, somehow - probably from my many comments/complaints and all - he knew that I don't cope too well when I'm being given "too much responsibility". =)

And so, out of his kindness, one of the first few ground-rules that we established was that "he is the one responsible for everything(!)" - if something doesn't get done, it's his responsibility, not mine; if something falls through the cracks - his responsibility, not mine! My job, is only to help him to do his tasks well - while being as helpful as I can of course! =)

I probably should have thanked God then... And I probably did. =) But it wasn't until today that I came to really appreciate what he actually had done! And what kindness he has shown me!

He actually volunteered to be the one to get all the blame if something goes wrong! He would also be the one people chases to make sure something gets done because it is his responsibility!

I didn't realise what kindness I had been shown...

But today, I got a new sense of appreciation and so a new sense of thankfulness! =)

Today, I realised that this "system" actually works better for me! =)

I figured out that I actually work much more effective and joyfully and less stressed out - this way! =)

And when I'm less stressed (knowing that I won't get the blame =)), my brain actually works better! =) And so, not only I am able to do what's required of me, I've also been able to come up with ways to improve the way I do things, or ways to help him do his works better and easier! =) It is actually a joy to make his life easier than harder - and to help him do his job well! =)

My brain is dead at the moment though and so can't think and can't express what I would like to express that clearly or nicely! =P

But yeah, VERY thankful to God for His kindness shown to me in this way! =)

Of course he is not perfect. This is not heaven yet! =) People are still sinful and the world we live in is still a fallen one. But yeah, I am very thankful for the chance God has given me to work and learn a bit more from him and his wife! =) Yeah, sure, it is him that I work with mostly, but he is who is because of his wife as well, I think. I mean, they are "one unit" really - at least that's how I view them anyway =)

So, very thankful to God for the privilege to work closely with these two great example of godly Christians! =)

Billy the Brolga... and the new exhibit!

I was out, but went back to take my camera and so missing 3 buses in the process! =(

The bus was extremely slow (!) - guess the driver was being extra responsible and careful - and so I was worried I would miss the 2.15 ferry.

Thankfully, I did make it! =)

However, what I missed to take into consideration, was the length of the queue for the sky safari! Somehow, it was really long today! And then there was one that was really dirty that the whole thing had to be stopped so that the carriage could be cleaned (even though it still wasn't used afterwards).

And so... I reached the top gate at 2.58!!! =( And the bird show starts at 3 pm! And the QBE bird stage is much closer to the lower gate than the top gate!

When I got out of the sky safari, I was contemplating whether I should just follow my usual path - or whether I should run and try to make it to the show - albeit a few minutes late.

Decided for the second one. And so I ran! Ran as fast as I could, going through a shorter path - feeling upset all the way, thinking and wishing that I didn't come back for my camera!

And yet (!), just as I reached the QBE bird stage, guess who was there?!

Billy the Brolga! There! Eating chips that fell into the drain!

Of course he was surrounded by a few keepers who were trying to work out what to do with him next - or how to return him to his "place". But I saw him up close and personal! =D

I was so amazed to see him there that I didn't get a chance to take out my camera and take a picture of him though! =(

But yeah, I was SO happy to see him there! And to be that close to him! =)

Now, I know that most of you who read this won't understand what the big deal was... =) That's ok. =) I'm the main audience of this piece of writing =P But in case you are curious, Billy was supposed to fly down the stage before the show started - to open the show kind of thing. But somehow, today, he didn't! And so it was unusual for him to be there (and for me to get a chance to see him that closely) and it also meant I wasn't late for the show! =) (although somehow, I wouldn't have cared that much even if I was a bit late for the show - or missed something - after that "special meeting"!) Oh, and I got to take a nice pictures of Boo the Barking Owl and Minkar the White Bellied Sea Eagle, too, from the spot where I stood today! =)



God was indeed kind to me! =)

And Great Southern Ocean exhibit has been opened! =) It's new and it's big! Very spacious! And the seals looked very "at home"! =)

Only saw one of the leopard seals, though. There were supposed to be three of them. Although not sure if they are used to being with each other yet, because last time I read on the news, they are still not used to being with each other. They are quite solitary animals.

And you can see the seals from under the water! And one of the seals was especially friendly! Putting up a show for those who were there! =) Pity I missed the seal training and practice sessions! =(

The pelicans were moved though! Although I didn't get a chance to visit the bird sanctuary at the top gate, and so not sure if those are the same pelicans or not. But I don't think they were planning to get new ones, so they must be the same pelicans! Which means, they have been re-housed after living in their old house for such a long time!

And the fiordland penguins were put together with the little penguins! That was a bit strange! Although maybe the keepers and all the animal experts had taken everything into considerations and saw nothing wrong with doing that... Hmmm... It was just a bit strange to see them living together within the same space. In the past, the fiordland penguins used to live together - just the three of them - and it was funny to see how they interacted with each other! =) Anyway, could be that they shared habitat in nature, too... =)

Didn't get to visit many other places. Bought something from the zoo shop for someone's belated bday. Wanted to buy something else for someone else, too, but then I have no excuse to get that present. Just thought he would like it since he has been wanting to visit Taronga Zoo and yet hasn't got a chance! But yeah, he would have to wait for his b'day now, I guess! =) Or he can get it when he finally does get a chance to visit the zoo later! =P

And oh, I learned something new about seal movements today! =) Leopard and Elephant seals swim/move like fish in the water and like caterpillar on the land, while "real" seals are like penguins, they "fly"/"slide" in the water and move using their flippers on the land... I think that was the difference - from memory... =)

And also that fishing hooks are not good for wildlife! And that trashes from the land washed up to the sea are also harmful to animals - because they do either take it as food or something to play with - just like that penguin in Happy Feet!

Anyway, always find a visit to Taronga Zoo refreshing - as it reminds me of the God who looks after His creatures - God who cares for His creation, including these animals! And if He does care for them, how much more does He care for me?! And so I don't need to worry about anything in this world! =) I just have to keep seeking His Kingdom! =) Same message as from Matthew 6, right?! =P

Looking forward to heaven, though, when there will be no more enmity between rest of creations and us humans. When we will no longer be sinful, so we won't harm the animals, and when we will be at perfect peace with nature and with each other - because we are fully "at peace" and in perfect relationship, with God! =)

Taking it lightly...

Someone asked me whether his guess was right that I got really upset about something that I mentioned to him tonight.

Well, to be honest, I just have so much anger at the moment, I guess... Too tired, been sick, and have not got enough time to take time off to just be with God - just "be" and not "do"...

But yeah, I do get really upset when I feel that someone is taking God and His Word lightly.

I just can't understand why some people think that they know enough about God already. Or that they have done what is required by God's Word. I mean, have they really looked into their sins?!

Maybe some people really are saints... Maybe they really have kept God's Word...

I'm not "judging" without examining myself. I know better than anyone else how much I fail God's standard, and how much I'm sustained by His grace alone!

But I'm really uncomfortable when people seem to be taking His grace for granted. To me, that's just wrong. How could they not see how sinful their hearts are. Or at least, how far from perfect they are? And if they see it, shouldn't they be uncomfortable and repent?!

Anyway... I know, God grows people at different pace, and so I really need to keep reminding myself that I should let God do all His work... And be patient with them as He has been patient with me!

"Good-night" songs

I think, I'm the type of person who would like to make sure that I get at least a chance to say that I would like to say =) And so, been thinking a bit about my funeral songs for a while... No, not that I think I'm "going soon" or anything - although with God, you never know =)

But yeah, been thinking... especially since I am quite particular about the songs/hymns that I "like"/"prefer" and especially their lyrics.

And so, I have decided to start writing about it and telling people about it. =) Although of course, it would be of no use if Jesus ended up coming back before I die. But then I'm sure I would be too glad to meet Him that I wouldn't care about this plan anymore. =)

Anyway, I do plan to keep adding songs/hymns to my list. =) But so far, I have four hymns on my list:

1. The Rock of Ages

Either or both in English and in Indonesian, I don't mind - depends on where I die, I guess. And depends on who end up attending the service (if someone organises one =)). I want this song/hymn to be played to the tune and in the way that's as close as possible to that same song in Ruth Buchanan's cd - Songs for the Wealthy Beggar. I want that strong and clear drum sound (at the beginning and throughout)! =)

2. My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

Again, either or both in English and Indonesian - depend on those who would be there. =) This one to be sung to the more upbeat music version of the hymn. At the moment, I have in mind the way it's played in the "Passion: Hymns Ancient and Modern" cd. But I don't like the way that song is ended. So just stick to the wordings of the hymn. =) But yeah, again, strong drum sound. I like having clear song beats.

(I know, I know... I will be dead already by that time, right? Still, this might help people appreciate my taste of music =P)

3. The Christian's "Good Night"

English lyrics can be found here: http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/c/g/cgoodnit.htm
Not sure if there is an Indo translation or not... If not - hopefully, I or someone else will be able to come up with one before there is a need for it. =)

I want my funeral/memorial/thanksgiving service to be a joyous occasion, celebrating the fact I finally got to see my Saviour face to face. But yeah, I know it would be hard for the people I'll leave behind (or maybe not =)) so have decided to include some songs (and this is one of them) that would help them to grieve as well...

4. O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing

Again, there are English and Indo lyrics for this. To be sung in its traditional tune - or to avoid confusion - to the tune of Azmon, by Carl G. Gläser, 1828.

I'm still thinking about this last song... It would depend on how soon I'd be called home, I guess... But yeah, somehow, I just want the last song to be a song that proclaims the good news of Jesus - a song that motivates people to not just glorify His name, but also to keep proclaiming His name - cos otherwise, they won't get to see me again later(!) - well, I'm half true, right? (though theologically maybe a bit dodgy =P)


Anyway, this is just my current thinking =) I might change my mind tomorrow or years from now =) Depends on how long God plans to keep me here, I guess =) I don't mind either at the moment. I mean, death is great, I get to meet Christ! =) But yeah, life isn't bad either. I get to serve Him here. =) So, whatever He's planned for me! =)

=)

Have always wanted to come up with something nice for a small amount of money only. =)

It's not really about being cheap as much as being creative! I mean, it is always harder to come up with something nice for less amount of money, right? =) But that just means that the challenge is greater, and that there is more fun in meeting the challenge! =P

Very happy someone gave me the chance to do that today. And very happy that the creative side of my brain was cooperative! =)

Itu gigi kenapa?

The first question he asked me after he saw my smile was: "Itu gigi kenapa?" (What's wrong with your tooth?)

I was surprised!

I was really surprised.

I mean, no one ever really asked me that question before. I guess, it could be that people were just being polite to me. =) Or it could also be that they never really noticed...

Well, for the record - yes, one of my front teeth is dead. I fell and my mouth hit the floor when I was very young and so one of my front teeth is basically dead. That's why the colour's like that. And that's why it's "dark". A sign of 'death'... =)

Not sure that it'll get any darker. It's much darker than when I was first told the tooth's 'dead', but hasn't really changed in the past few years...

Anyway, all these conversations reminded me of two things in the lives of Christians:

1. Just like the dead tooth has become more visible over time , I guess 'dead Christian' (i.e. someone who seem to be one but not really) might not look that different to a real Christian at first. BUT, over time, it will become clearer whether you are actually 'dead' or 'alive' on the inside! =)


2. The gentleman above was able to spot my problem pretty much straight away because he was trained in that field. He knew that something was wrong with my tooth.

I think, like that gentleman, Christians, who are well-trained in their field (i.e. knowledge and love of God), would also be able to spot sins - be it in themselves or others - more clearly, than ones who are not as well-trained... Because with good training in God's Word, we'll grow in our ability to see things His ways, and we'll be able to see sins for what they really are, as God sees them...

Just pray that we'll be given humility and strength to respond in the way that He wants us to respond as well! =)

Spoilt plan...

Plan was to sleep VERY early tonight! (Like 8 or 9!) And yet it's 1 am already and I'm only just about to go to bed! =(

I guess they are worth the effort, the trouble and the time...

Just pray that those things would really end up bringing some encouragement their way and that God in His mercy would use them for His glory and for the good of His people in the future... =)

He challenges me!

He is not exactly the most organised person on earth... And he definitely doesn't look cool! And I don't think I would consider him as the best communicator I've known either...

But he has a great love for His God! And he does love His people! And you can see it so clearly in his life, and in all the decisions that he's made - both small and big! And you can even see it in his attitude to things in life, too...

And those things - his love for God, his attitude and the way he makes decisions - made up for his first set of characteristics!

I mean, he might not be the most organised person, or someone who looks cool or the best communicator, but he challenges me! Challenges me through what he says and what he does, to be more godly(!), and to aim big and achieve greater things for God! =)

He challenges me to not be "easily pleased" with where I am in terms of my godliness and my current growth state and rate... to not think too highly of myself... to keep repenting... to keep growing in my Christlikeness... to keep running my race well, while being gracious to others in my dealing with them... to care for people from my heart... to be purposeful even at play... to know that there are times to say the hard things and there are times to listen hard and encourage...

I've learnt a lot from him... I have been challenged much... I have been spurred on and encouraged to consider, and reconsider, whether I really have given my best to God in all areas of my life...

I feel really privileged for this God-given opportunity... God has really been kind to me! =)

PS: Does not mean that the first set of characteristics does not matter at all anymore... They still do matter at times... But yeah, the other things help me to forgive and overlook and put up with them, I guess! =P

Dibedol ka ditu ka dieu...

Da naon atuh ari hirup teh? Pikeun simkuring mah, hirup teh, nya eta Al Masih. Jadi, paeh teh mangrupa hiji kauntungan. Tapi upama simkuring diparengkeun panjang umur sarta bisa migawe hal-hal anu penting, kumaha atuh pihadeeunana? Lebah dieu, simkuring teu bisa nangtukeun mana anu kudu dipilih! Asa dibedol ka ditu ka dieu: Aya hayang geura los mulang ngahiji jeung Al Masih; sabab eta anu panghadena mah; tapi aya oge hayang tetep keneh hirup, tina ngaraskeun ka dulur-dulur. Panghadena, pikeun aranjeun mah, upama simkuring tetep hirup.

Purpose of all the rules...

A brother once asked me if I was noticing too many "faults" within a translated passage because of my linguistic/translation background...

I appreciated his comment because he could be right. =) I needed the reminder and challenge whether that was indeed what I was doing - paying too much attention to the technicalities of the language that I missed the point of the whole thing!

I gave an answer to him at that time. But it is not something I will try to articulate here. =)

I will, however, quote something I have just read from a book - something that would explain my point of view on the subject much better than I did, and something that I am posting here for my future reference and benefit! =)

So, herein lies the purpose of all the rules: If the artist fails to follow them, the audience becomes distracted. Rules exist for the sake of efficiency. If your reader has to struggle to understand what you mean, he does so at the expense of your story.

(from The Writer's Book of Wisdom - 101 Rules for Mastering Your Craft, by ST Goldsberry)

Doesn't matter... =)

She was right (!) . . .

I'm no longer doing this for them, and so am less affected by their decisions and attitudes!

I have my own reasons to do this... I have a strong enough motivation - and enough pull and push factors...

And so God willing, I am going to do this... - with... or without them! =)

Lain simkuring sorangan deui nu hirup / no longer I who live...

Anu jadi dosa tea mah, nya eta: Lamun sajeroning hayang diangken bener ku Allah teh ku jalan ngalakonan deui Toret anu ku simkuring geus dipiceun tea. Ku sabab simkuring ayeuna mah geus kawengku ku hukum anyar, atuh tina hukum Toret mah simkuring teh geus sirna; da simkuring mah geus masrahkeun hirup ka Allah ku lantaran geus milu digantung jeung Al Masih. Ku kituna, anu hirup di simkuring teh geus lain simkuring sorangan deui, tapi saenyana mah Al Masih anu ngancik di jero diri simkuring. Hirup simkuring anu kiwari teh, estu ku karana iman ka Nu jumeneng Putra Allah, anu geus mikaasih sarta ngorbankeun salira-Na nalangan simkuring. Eta sih piwelas-Na ku simkuring, tangtu moal ditolak. Sabab upama urang bisa salamet ku lantaran hukum Toret, atuh pangorbanan Al Masih dugi ka pupusna teh, mubadir bae!

-----------

I have been crucified with Christ,
and I no longer live,
but Jesus Christ lives in me
I have been crucified with Christ...

The life I live in the body,
I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself for me...

a memory verse song by Colin Buchanan

Conto keur arurang...

Ku sabab dina kamanunggalan jeung Al Masih teh aya pepeling, aya panglipur ti asih-Na, aya apingan Ruh, aya silih asih, sarta silih pikanyaah; sabab eta, dulur-dulur, sampurnakeun kabungah simkuring teh, ku jalan sing sahate, sapikir, sakanyaah, sajiwa, sarta sing sauyunan. Ulah pakia-kia atawa pagirang-girang tampian; anggur kudu handap asor, mandang batur leuwih luhur harkatna. Ulah ngan inget kana kaperluan sorangan bae, kaperluan batur oge kudu diperhatikeun. Aranjeun kudu miboga sipat eta, sakumaha Al Masih tea. Kapan Al Masih teh, ari wujud-Na mah, salira Allah; tapi sanajan kitu, Anjeunna henteu kamagungan. Eta kaagungana-Na teh, anggur dianggo kumawula; Anjeunna ngajadi saharkat jeung manusa, nyorang hirup sakumaha manusa ilahar. Estuning ngalaipkeun Anjeun, ta'at-Na, tug nepi ka pupus: Paragat nyawa disalib. Nu matak ku Allah, Anjeunna teh, dijungjung pangluhurna sarta dipaparin gelaran pangpunjulna, nepi ka sakabeh nu di sawarga, nu di bumi, jeung nu di alam kubur sarujud ka Anjeunna anu ngagem jenengan Isa. Kabeh baris ngaku: "Isa Al Masih teh Gusti Panutan," pikeun kamulyaan Allah anu jumeneng Rama.

Nothing, but the grace of God...

Ahirna, maranehna jadi cekcok marebutkeun saha nu unggul. Ku Isa diwawadian, saur-Na, "Ari di bangsa-bangsa, raja-raja teh marentah ka rayatna, anu nyarekel kawasa disebutna pelindung rayat. Maraneh mah ulah kitu. Anu dipikolot di maraneh mah malah kudu daek jadi pangngorana, anu jadi pamingpin kudu daek jadi juru laden. Cik antara nu dilaladenan dahar jeung anu ngalaladenanana luhur mana? Luhur anu dilaladenan. Tapi kapan Kami oge di maraneh teh pelayan. Maraneh salawasna babarengan jeung Kami, sajeroning Kami nyorang sagala cocoba. Sarta Kami geus nangtukeun hak-hak Karajaan pikeun maraneh, nya eta hak anu gues dipaparinkeun ka Kami ku Ama. Jadi, maraneh boga hak dahar nginum sameja jeung Kami di jero eta Karajaan. Jaba ti eta, maraneh ge dibere kalungguhan pikeun nerapkeun hukum ka dua belas kaom Israil.

Simun, Simun! Tuh Iblis geus ngincer ka maneh, rek ditapikeun kawas ka gandum. Tapi maneh ku Kami geus dipangnedakeun, supaya ulah nepi ka pecat iman. Di mana geus tobat, maneh wajib mere sumanget ka pada batur." Jawab Petra, "Jungjunan, abdi rido dipanjara atanapi kedah paeh babarengan sareng Jungjunan!" Tapi saur Isa, "Cek Kami: "Petra, peuting ieu memeh hayam kongkorongok, maneh geus tilu kali mungkir, nya eta nyebutkeun teu wawuh ka Kami."

..................................

Geus kitu, Anjeunna angkat ka luar kota kawas sasari, nya eta ngajugjug Gunung Jetun sarta diiring ku murid-murid-Na. Sasumpingna ka ditu Anjeunna sasauran, "Maraneh kudu sembahyang supaya ulah beunang ku dodoja." Geus sasauran kitu, Anjeunna mencilkeun anjeun jauhna kira-kira sapamaledog; tuluy bruk nyuuh bari sasambat, "Duh Ama, manawi kenging mah, candak ieu lumur kasangsaraan teh ti Abdi; sanaos kitu, ulah numutkeun panuhun Abdi, nanging pangersa Ama nu kedah laksana." Ti dinya, aya malaikat ti langit nembongan ka Anjeunna pikeun maparin sumanget. Anjeunna teh keur katarajang kasieun anu pohara; sasambat-Na beuki husu. Cikaringet-Na lir tetesan-tetesan getih, nyakclakan kana taneuh. Tamat ngadu'a, lajeng cengkat nyampeurkeun murid-murid. Maranehna teh kasampak keur sarare teu kawawa ku nalangsa. Ku Anjeunna disauran, "Naha sarare? Harudang! Heg sarembahyang, supaya ulah beunang ku dodoja."

...................................

Isa geus ditangkep, dibawa ti dinya, digiring ka bumi Imam Agung. Petra nuturkeun ti kajauhan. Di tengah buruan bumi aya anu keur mirunan diparake siduru, Petra milu siduru. Katenjoeun ku hiji gandek awewe, sanggeus neges-neges pok manehna ngomong, "Tah ieu ge baturna itu." Ku Petra dipungkir, "Lain, wawuh ge henteu ka dinya teh!" Teu lila aya deui anu ngomong, pokna, "Maneh ge sarombongan jeung itu!" Petra mungkir deui, "Lain, lain!" Heuleut sajam, pok deui bae, aya nu ngomong, tandes pisan pokna, "Sidik ieu jalema teh baturna itu, urang Galilea keneh!" Tapi cek Petra, "Lain, kuring mah teu nyaho-nyaho!" Harita keneh kadenge hayam kongkorongok. Isa ngareret ka Petra. Ras Petra inget kana kasauran Anjeunna: "Memeh hayam kongkorongok peuting ieu, maneh geus tilu kali mungkir, nyebut teu wawuh ka Kami." Leos bae, manehna indit bari ceurik, awahing ku nalangsa.

-----------------------------

"Lord, I remember that special way,
I vowed to serve you, when it was brand new.
But like Peter, I can't even watch and pray, one hour with you,
And I bet, I could deny you too.

But nothing lasts, except the grace of God,
by which I stand, in Jesus.
I know that I would surely fall away,
except for grace, by which I'm saved."

(from Grace by Which I Stand, by Keith Green)

Estu anugrah...

Karajaan Sawarga teh, ibarat hiji jelema anu rebun-rebun geus indit neangan kuli, nya sina digawe di kebon anggurna. Sanggeus putus yen piburuheunana sadinar sapoe, terus kuli-kuli digarawe. Kira-kira pukul salapan, manehna indit deui, ka pasar; di dinya manehna manggih nu keur ngaligeuh, terus ditawaran gawe, pokna: 'Hayu gawe di kebon anggur kula, buruhna pantes.' Tuluy maranehna arindit digawe. Kira-kira pukul dua belas jeung pukul tilu, nu boga kebon teh indit deui, cara tadi. Kira-kira pukul lima, geus burit, indit deui bae neangan jelema. Geus manggih diajak ngomong: 'Ku naon tingjaranteng bae ti isuk?' Walonna: 'Teu aya anu ngulikeun.' 'Hayu atuh milu, digawe di kebon kula.' Sanggeus reupreupan, nu ngulikeun teh nitah ka mandor: 'Sina kumpul nu digarawe teh, buruhanana bayar. Heulakeun bayar anu daratang pangburitna.' Tuluy nu daratang pukul lima sore dibayar ti heula sadinar sewang. Anu daratang pangisukna, maranehna nyangka rek dibayar leuwih gede. Tapi wet, sarua sadinar keneh. Bari nampanan buruhan maranehna gegelendeng: 'Nu daratang pangburitna digawena ukur sajam, ari bayaranana wet disaruakeun jeung anu ngadedeluk ti isuk keneh bari moe maneh.' Cek anu ngagawekeun: 'Dulur-dulur, kula henteu pilih kasih. Lain geus akur urang teh, buruhna sadinar sapoe? Geus, geura tarima ku maraneh, jeung geura balik. Hanas anu daratangna pangburitna dibayar sarua jeung aranjeun, atuh eta mah geus niat kula kitu. Na teu meunang kula make duit sorangan sakahayang? Atawa maraneh sirik pedah kula bageur?

----------

Nu leuwih eces mah dawuhan ka Rabeka, basa Rabeka keur kakandungan kembar ti carogena, Isak tea, karuhun urang. Ti memeh kakandunganana tea medal, jadi acan lakon hade atawa goreng, nu hiji enggeus dipilih sarta Allah geus netelakeun yen pamilih Mantenna henteu dumasar kana hade gorengna kalakuanana, estu wungkul ku karana pangersa-Na bae. Kieu dawuhan-Na:
'Lanceukna bakal kumawula ka adina.'
Oge kauni dina Kitab:
'Ka Yakub Kami teh asri, ari ka Esau mah giruk.'
Kumaha ari kitu! Naha urang rek nyalahkeun, majarkeun Allah teu adil! Baheula Mantenna ngadawuh ka Musa:
'Kami rek mikarunya ka sakur anu geus ditangtukeun ku Kami.
Kami niat ngurniaan ka sakur nu geus kapilih ku Kami.'
Eta teh, netelakeun yen Allah henteu gumantung kana kahayang atawa tingkah laku jelema. Kabeh gumantung kana pangersa-Na. Oge dina Kitab aya dawuhan Mantenna ka Piraon: 'Nu matak maneh ku Kami dijungjung teh lantaran ku Kami arek dipake pikeun nembongkeun kakawasan, supaya ngaran Kami kakoncara ka sakuliah dunya.' Jadi, Allah mah, mikawelas teh ka saha bae anu kamanah ku Mantenna; kitu oge, upama Mantenna ngersakeun jelema jadi bedegong, nu mana bae.

Meureun cek aranjeun: 'Ana kitu, naha atuh Mantenna sok ngaweweleh kalakuan manusa, da saha atuh jelemana anu bisa mapalangan kana pangersa-Na?' Kieu saenyana: 'Ambeu, naha saha manusa teh make wani-wani ngalawan ka Allah?' Upama urang barang jieun, eta barang anu dijieun teh moal bisa nyalahkeun kieu: 'Ku naon kuring dijieun kieu?' Upamana bae Ki panjunan, tangtu bisa kumaha karep kana taneuh lempung, naha rek dijieun wadah anu endah atawa anu basajan bae. Jadi, upama Allah rek nibankeun bebendu jeung pangawasa-Na ka anu ku Mantenna rek dibenduan jeung diruksak, tapi kersa nyabaran keneh; eta teh taya lian, ti seja mintonkeun kamulyaana-Na anu tanpa wangenan, ka nu baris dipiwelas jeung baris diangkat kana kamulyaan. Nya eta urang tea, anu ku Mantenna geus disaur. Ari nu disalaur teh lain ngan ti urang Yahudi wungkul, tapi ti bangsa-bangsa sejenna oge. Sakumaha dawuhna-Na dina kitab Hosea:
'Anu tadina lain umat Kami, seja diaku jadi umat Kami.
Kami seja nerapkeun kaasih ka anu tadina henteu dipikaasih.
Kitu deui di tanah anu tadina disebut:
Maraneh mah lain umat Kami,
baris diaku jadi putra-putra Allah Anu jumeneng.'
Nabi Yesaya oge, kieu saurna ngeunaan urang Israil teh: 'Sanajan bani Israil lobana, lir keusik lautan, nu baris dirahayukeun mah ngan sabagean leutik.' Sabab sakur anu ku Pangeran geus ditimbalkeun, tinangtu ku Mantenna dibuktikeun di ieu bumi kalawan sahinasna tur sampurna. Memeh eta, Nabi Yesaya nyaurkeun kieu:
'Cacakan upama Pangeran henteu ngarikeun binih, nasib urang teh moal beda ti nagara Sadumu jeung Gomora.'

... tanda, pikeun anu palercaya...

Sabab upama biwir ngaku, yen Isa teh Gusti Jungjunan tur percaya dina hate, yen Anjeunna ku Allah geus digugahkeun ti nu maraot, tanwande urang ginanjar salamet. Kapan percaya teh ku hate, ngalantarankeun urang diangken bener. Ari ngaku teh ku biwir, anu ngalantarankeun urang disalametkeun. Cek Kitab: 'Sakur nu percaya ka Anjeunna, ku Anjeunna moal diangles.' Sakur teh, hartina, sing saha bae kalawan teu dibeda-beda, taya urang Yahudi taya urang Yunani. Sabab Allah anu tunggal teh Allah nu disembah ku kabehan, lautan kurnia keur sakur anu sumambat ka Mantenna. Sabab sing saha anu sumambat ka pajenengan Pangeran, tinangtu disalametkeun. Tapi kumana arek sumambat ka Mantenna, ari maranehna embung percaya ka Anjeunna? Kumaha arek percaya ka Anjeunna, ari henteu ngadenge? Kumaha arek ngadenge hal Anjeunna, ari teu aya anu ngabaran? Saha anu rek ngabaran, ari teu aya nu diutus? Cek Kitab: 'Ku endah langkahna jalma-jalma anu ngemban warta pikabungaheun!'

Sabab dunya teh, pohara nya diasihna ku Allah; nepi ka Putra Tunggal-Na oge dipasrahkeun, supaya sing saha anu percaya ka Anjeunna ulah nepi ka binasa; tapi sabalikna, bisa tinemu jeung hirup abadi. Pangna Allah ngutus Putra-Na ka alam dunya teh, lain rek ngahukum, enyana mah rek nyalametkeun alam dunya ku parantaraan Putra-Na. Saha bae anu percaya ka Anjeunna, moal dihukum; anu baris dihukum teh, anu embung percaya sabab henteu ngandel ka nu ngaran Putra Tunggal Allah tea.... Rama nu mikaasih ka Putra geus masrahkeun sakabeh perkara ka Anjeunna. Anu percaya ka eta Putra, tangtu tinemu jeung hirup langgeng. Tapi anu henteu anut ka Putra mah, moal papanggih jeung hirup; sabalikna, pinasti nandangan hukuman Allah."

Da ari pikeun Jamaah mah, mending ukur lima kecap, tapi matak kaharti; ti batan rebuan kecap dina basa anu teu pikahartieun. Dulur-dulur, pikiran teh, ulah kawas budak; kudu kawas budak soteh, kana sual kajahatan; ari pikiran mah, kudu sawawa. Dina Kitab Suci Toret kaungel: 'Kami rek ngandika ka ieu bangsa, lain ku jalma-jalma anu asing basana wungkul, tapi make biwir urang asing oge. Sanajan kitu, ieu bangsa teh moal nurut!' Kitu pangandika Pangeran. Tina hal ieu tetela, yen basa ajaib teh tanda lain pikeun anu palercaya, tapi pikeun anu teu palercaya. Sabalikna, anugrah nepikeun nubuwatan mah tanda pikeun anu palercaya, lain pikeun anu teu percaya. Pek wang-wang, upama Jamaah keur kumpulan, masing-masing ngaromong ku basa anu teu puguh unina tea; heug, datang jalma-jalma awam atawa nu can palercaya, atuh aranjeun teh disebut ngacambling? Sabalikna, lamun aranjeun, masing-masing, nepikeun nubuwatan mah, jalma awam atawa nu can percaya teh bisa katarik sarta picatur aranjeun baris dilenyepan. Bisa jadi, ahirna maranehna ngabudalkeun eusi hate sarta sembah sujud ka Allah bari bijil ucapna: 'Leres aranjeun teh disarengan ku Allah!'

Interesting observations...

Two different people seemed to pick up that reality... A reality that was still not obvious to my conscious self...

I was surprised to hear it from her... That that was the result of her observation...

I was even more surprised to hear a very similar observation mentioned to me by someone else, the day after(!)...

I guess, he was just an observant guy... or it could be that he knew what I had been thinking all these times, and so was able to see my change of tone...

But the first observer - I think she made an interesting comment... And I wasn't sure that she was right... But now that I've thought a bit more about it, I think she could be right...

I'm no longer doing this for others... of course I'm still doing this in relation to who I am wrt to my Master. But yeah, I've made this my plan, my mission. I'm no longer doing this for anyone else... And so, I will not be as easily as discouraged as before...

They might focus and achieve what they want to do or they might change their minds or play around... It doesn't matter that much to me now...

I am going to do this because this is what I want to do. I'm doing this for my Master, and myself.

Might sound selfish to those who don't get it =) But it's not... =)

I'm just basically saying - this is now my plan. Sure, like minded people will help me greatly... but yeah, this is now my plan...

Hard to describe... =) Maybe after thinking a bit more, I will be able to describe this in a better way =)

At the moment though, I'm pretty happy to be able to be clear in my mind that this is my plan... and it's good to have like minded people around... but even if not, if they are not around... I still have a 50 year master plan to realise! =) (with the help of my Master of course)