Time to let go...

It was not easy to let go of the lost dog without doing more to help it. It was even more of a challenge for me since I do love dogs and have a few back home, and know how it feels to lose a dog... =(

And yet I was late for the meeting already. And I did check and it didn't have any identification tag on it... I knew it would be quite challenging and much effort would have been required should I insist on helping the poor dog finds its owner...

And so I decided to do the unthinkable... and trusted the dog to God - trusting that God does care for His creation, and that even without my help, He can look after the dog and return it to its owner should He will... After all, God is in control of things... and He can act and will bring about His purposes with or without my help...

I think similar to coming across that lost dog, sometimes in life, we come across people who are in difficult or tricky situations. Sometimes, they are aware of their situations, sometimes they are unaware that they are in a mess, or are creating a mess(!)...

And just like my situation this morning, there are times when we are just unable to help them for one or other reasons... Sometimes, warnings were given and yet unheeded, and it's no longer in our place to say things anymore... Sometimes, they just need to be given a chance to make mistakes and to learn from their mistakes...

And I've found that it requires great trust in God to do that! That it is very challenging and require so much trust in God's loving sovereignty, to be able to let go of people and their situations - into God's hands...

Part of it, is just us being humans, I guess... caring for others and wanting to snatch people out of danger... But another part of it, is also us being humans! Sinful human beings that is - ones who want to be little saviours (both of ourselves and in this case, others)! Somehow, we have this inbuilt conviction that we can set things right and that we just have to do something or else things won't happen!

But we forget that God can do without us!

It is a privilege to be part of His work. It is something that is good and right - given the right time and context.

And yet, I think there are also times, when we need to let go of people and their situations... times to remember that God is the One who is in control... and not just the One in control, but also the One who can be trusted in His loving sovereignty, in His steadfast love - to His creation, and especially to His people...

Before I turn 30...

Do you know how people have "plans"/"wishes" of what they would like to happen before they have "big number" birthdays - like 18, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60, etc?

Well, I'm not a very organised person. That's why I don't really plan. And I wasn't a dreamer either, and so I never actually had wishes about "what I want to achieve or what I want to happen by the time I'm ..." for example.

Of course, it does not mean I'm not purposeful. Just that I never really wished or dreamed! =) Especially after I learned that I can trust God and I've learned to be content in whatever situations He has alloted as my portion in this life and in the one to come. =)

But yeah, maybe I'm changing now... =) Maybe in my effort to be more creative, I have learned "to dream"... =)

Either way, I do have a wish for what I would love to see happen by the time I'm 30! =) But it's not something I can achieve... Not something I can contribute anything to... It is something that needs to be granted to me. Although of course, I can ask for it... But then again, I know it's kind of selfish to ask for it... =(

Anyway, shared my wish with my sister last week, and suffice to say - she was a bit more than just stunned! =) And I know it's something that I will never share with my parents because I know they'd be horrified by it! I mean, not even all Christians would be able to understand it, so they definitely won't understand... =)

But it is something I'm really looking forward to - so very much! =) So even if it is after I'm 30, it is something I'm really looking forward to! =) Just thought the sooner the better! =) But I know I need to repent of that selfish thought! =)

Anyway, I think now I finally understand why people say that unless you have something/someone to die for, you don't really have anything to live for...

Now that I have something, or better yet Someone, to die for... I do have Someone to live for! =)

Not that I didn't have Him before, just that I was never really this aware before! =) Or maybe I just never really appreciated my relationship with Him as much as I do now! =)

Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again.

Philippians 1:18-26

Walking alone...

I like alone-long-distance-walk, not just because walking is my first choice of sport, but because to me, it reflects (and so encourages me in) my walk as a Christian in so many ways...

Main thing being the fact that I can walk alone, with just God accompanying me, and I still can finish my race...

I think, in our Christian life, many times, even though we have brothers and sisters in Christ, they don't always understand the things that we go through... There are just things that only God can fully understand... Sure, presence of brothers and sisters in Christ help. Even when I walk alone (from work), I found it comforting and "safe" to know that there are other people walking the same leg/route as me... =)

But yeah, in life, at least in my life, I have learned that there are just many things that I can only share with my Heavenly Father and Lord. And no one on earth... Not even my dearest friend(s)... (And btw, I'm not even implying that it has anything to do with my gift/state of singleness =) I think only single people tend to think/have a misconception that they can share everything with their forever-understanding spouse =) But yeah, not talking about being single. Just life in general... )

But yeah, that's OK. It's OK to be able to share only with my Heavenly Father and no one on earth. It's actually more than OK! Because He alone is more than enough. He understands and His company is more than enough to me! =)

And that's why I like long distance alone walk. Because I am encouraged to remember that even when I seem to walk alone, I am never actually alone. And I can still finish my race as my Lord actually walks with me, and His Spirit presents within me! =)

PS: Recently, as I think of the not so near future plan, I think that I need to grow in perseverance in being different - if I really want to go there to be different and make an impact. And somehow, I think walking alone would train my sense of perseverance as well - as living differently would be very challenging! So challenging that you would rather give up when it gets too tiring and you feel that you have no one "walking with you" or "accompanying you"... But I don't want to give up then! I want to make sure I will persevere and finish my race! I want to be true to the end even if no one else walks with me! By God's grace of course! =) But yeah, I want to be trained in persevering from now. And that's why I have made it my aim to walk all the way home (from work) - at least one day per week! =)

He doesn't make mistake...

I know I've blogged about this verse several times already... But what am I to do? It does sum things up nicely after all...

"For in much wisdom is much vexation,
and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Ecclesiastes 1:18"

Wish people would tell me less things??? But then, sometimes, people do need someone who will listen......

And I do have Someone who will, in turn, listen to me and all those things people shared with me... Someone who is in charge of the world, including their lives - Someone I can entrust their joys and struggles to...

And so I don't need to worry for those people! =) Because I know that that Someone does care for them, and even though things don't always make sense, He does not make mistake... He just doesn't.

The best gift...

Dad spoils us so much! There are so many things that I just won't be able to afford with my own money!

I know, it's not as if he needs to buy them anyway. Most of them are bonuses or gifts. So I am very thankful to God for a dad like mine and for the gifts He has given my dad...

I do wish and pray that He will give my dad the best gift He can give him though - a reconciliation and so a personal relationship with Himself through His Son...

Flying solo...

I was told that I've been spreading my wings... and so it's probably time for me to fly solo...

I thought that day would never come! And yet when it did come, it was so unreal that I sat there speechless... and then spent quite a long while walking around absent-minded...

I didn't think I'm ready for it yet......

And yet again, maybe I am! =) After all, I do know that it won't really be a one-man-flight. =)

The Rock that is Higher

When there are so many uncertainties and changes around me, it's good to have the assurance that I can always fly to my Rock, to The Rock that is Higher than I.

Finally!

I knew I would show strong emotions when I finally got to share my overwhelming joy with him in person... But I did not expect myself to break down that soon! =P Although again, it's probably just his presence or just the way he is... somehow, his presence just gives a feeling of security???

I know he has heard of the news from someone already... But I still wanted to share my view on it with him personally. =) After all, (at least in my mind), he has always been the person I went to every time I was overwhelmed by the seemingly impossible dream...

Ever since last night, while anticipating my conversation with him today, I recalled with fondness some of the conversations I ever had with him that are related to this 'dream'...

I remembered that one of the tough conversations I had with him was one towards the end of my degree. I remembered asking him at that time, if maybe, I should not apply for permanent residency at all... That way, I would have no choice but to go back...

I vaguely remembered another conversation I had with him and his wife at a long weekend conference - sharing my sorrow and sense of despair of the great needs that seemed to be present back there, but of my inability to do anything about it... even a sense of guilt for being here... Sharing dreams and hopes of a team like one that seemed to be forming at that time for another country...

And then there were conversations taking place even after he "left" us, especially in these past few years since the lunch time meeting in the city started - the last conversation being as recent as in the second quarter of this year... I remembered a few conversations with him - at different points in time - whenever I felt overwhelmed by the need, by guilt or by something happening over there - and I was reminded me to check - just to check with him - if maybe, I finally have run out of godly reasons to stay here... if maybe, it's finally the time...

And each time, he reminded me and encouraged me to pray... and to keep praying... And to keep being faithful here, keep trusting in God, and keep praying that God will raise up people for His glory sake and bring about His purposes...

And that's why I felt I just had to share the news with him personally! Even if he had known about it, he hadn't heard it from me! And so I must tell him. He, who even when failed to recall my name in one occasion, remembered what my main concern had always been, whenever I came to see him in such a distraught...

And so I shared with him today, how the dream has turned to vision! =) and how overwhelmed I was with joy! And how much I thanked him for all the encouragement he had given me to keep praying, including praying for a team...

I told him "I know someone has told you about this before, but I just want to tell you personally. We have a team. We finally have a team!" (and I broke down in tears of joy... =)) And he shared my joy(!), and led me in thanking God and praying for the vision...

I know he is not God, and I don't treat him as God. =P But I am VERY thankful to God for him! And for his wife! Always VERY VERY thankful to God for them...

I am overwhelmed with joy! =)

But I know, I need to slow down a bit and let others catch up with my current level of enthusiasm! =) I guess, to me, this is a dream coming a step closer to become a reality... An answer to many prayers over the years!!! Maybe we are not there yet... But I've been praying for so long for it! How can I not be overwhelmed with joy?!! =)

I am scared, too, of course! of the uncertainties and just of the costs... especially since this is now no longer just an 'over-there' dream... I'm scared enough that I need to share my fear and concerns with God... But yeah, as much as I'm scared, I am also overwhelmed with joy! =) This is an answer - and just but a beginning of many more answers to prayers presented over the years! And so as much as I'm scared, the thankfulness and excitement are just too overwhelming! =)

Praying for an interpreter...

All these efforts... are but to meet him in his world... in a place that's familiar to him...

But I still need an interpreter to communicate well with him since I'm but a newcomer in his world...

I need an interpreter who speaks both his language and my language fluently... someone who speaks both languages fluent enough to be a significant bridge between us...