Bird by Bird...

I think I can understand now why quite a few people like the book "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott... It is a really interesting book on writing... A book that tells stories you can relate to or agree with...

Or maybe, as the bit that I just read... she just picked the right narrator for the book... someone I'd like to spend time with, someone whose opinions I want to listen to... someone who isn't boring... and have a positive outlook in life... or can make see a funny side out of miserable situations...

Maybe there are just aspects of her (as a narrator) that I could relate to... and maybe, that is why I have enjoyed reading the book so far! =)

Don't always get what she said at first go, but when you think through some of the things she wrote, they actually make more sense over time...

I like the book! =)

!!!! . . . .

Too many news of deaths! And of young people, too! People younger than me. And one of them, someone I know...

News of accidents also! In a place where social security and so livelihood is not guaranteed.

Annoyed greatly that I was lost for words... Annoyed greatly that I was so disturbed that I couldn't think of what to say!!!

Very disturbed! VERY disturbed...

------
A few more years shall roll,
A few more seasons come,
And we shall be with those that rest
Asleep within the tomb;
Then, O my Lord, prepare
My soul for that great day.
O wash me in Thy precious blood,
And take my sins away.

A few more struggles here,
A few more partings o’er,
A few more toils, a few more tears,
And we shall weep no more:
Then, O my Lord, prepare
My soul for that bright day.
O wash me in Thy precious blood,
And take my sins away.

by Horatius Bonar, 1842

A fruitful day...

Thankful to God for a quite fruitful day! =)

Passed on a book that I helped bought for a brother to him.

Gave a good book to another brother - 4th copy of the book I gave away within these three weeks! =)

Passed on two hastily scribbled notes to two brothers (or three brothers and a sister - depending on how one looks at it), which were of slightly different natures - one of encouragement (or so I hoped =)), while the other one of reminder / sharing.

Had a helpful conversation with a sister after lunch in the afternoon - not an easy conversation but thankful to God for her reminders and listening ears.

Altered / shortened two work pants by hands! (i.e. without sewing machine and used my new kitchen scissors to cut the pants =P)

And one thing I'm most happy about - restarting my offline journal!! =) - Looking forward to writing many many more things offline! =)

Planned to actually did a lot more... But I guess I need to keep reminding myself that those limits have been placed by God for own good - and so, I need to work within those limits! =) (and leave those things for tomorrow or another time.......)

Neither Poverty nor Riches...

As my current status line says, I am looking forward to do a slow reading of Neither Poverty nor Riches...

I know it won't be an easy reading... But I am looking forward to learning about what the whole Bible has to say on the whole issue of responding to the poverty around us...

I am not looking for an easy answer, and so am hoping that what the books says about itself in its back-cover will really be what I will find as I read it...

Why do I want to know more about this?

Partly just wanting to know more about what God has to say on this issue, I guess...

Partly because I feel that Sydney has become more and more like my home-country with more homeless and poor people around...

Partly, because I do want to know how to deal with this... and maybe even help others get a better idea on how they should see and respond to poverty around them - especially if they plan to go back to our home-country and make a difference there - as Christians...

This is what the back of the book says:

"Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. (Proverbs 30:8)

One of the most difficult questions facing Christians today is that of the proper attitude toward possessions. In wealthy nations such as Britain and the USA, individuals accumulate much and yet are daily exposed to the plight of the poor, whether the homeless on their own city streets or starving children on their TV screens. What action should we take on behalf of the poor? What should we do with our own possessions?

In Neither Poverty nor Riches Craig Blomberg asks what the Bible has to say about these issues. Avoiding easy answers, he instead seeks a comprehensive biblical theology of possessions. And so he begins with the groundwork laid by the Old Testament and the ideas developed in the intertestamental period, then draws out what the whole New Testament has to say on the subject, and finally offers conclusions and applications relevant to our contemporary world.

Neither Poverty Nor Riches is one book that all should read who are concerned with issues of poverty and wealth."

the memory that I don't have . . .

Finished reading a good book on the life of a godly 'saint' recently and been challenged in many aspect of my life through it.

One of the things that I was encouraged to do is to be more diligent in keeping my offline journal.

Doesn't mean that I will cease writing and posting things online. I will still post things online. However, I do believe that offline and online journals are of different nature and so they could serve slightly different purposes...

I think, an offline journal - is a journal you keep to yourself (and God)... No one else is an audience to what you are writing... Sure, there are times when you write something and think - maybe one day, someone will be reading this and trying to make sense of things etc. But that day usually happen in the far away future... At a time when the things noted down has become a part of history... or maybe even you yourself, has become a part of history...

And that's why an offline journal encourages honesty.... You get to be more open and honest about what you are actually thinking - knowing that what you write is not subject to anyone's judgement but your own - and God... And it does actually make a big difference whether you are writing "to be seen" - and for an audience - or whether you are writing for yourself/God.

When you know that others won't get to read what you think - you have more freedom to write down your current thoughts and ways of thinking... You say / write things that you would otherwise never say / write in front of other people - for various reasons - and not always bad reasons...

Sometimes, there are just things that it's not wise for you to say out loud or publicly - just because of who you are or who others perceive you to be, for example - or simply because things can be easily taken out of context... or maybe because others don't understand a situation as much as you do - or don't have the background knowledge that you have, or even - not having the Christian maturity and knowledge - that might be required in making judgement over certain things said or done...

And so, there are times when things are better kept to yourself and God...

Of course, there are also times when secrecy safeguards sincerity...

Another thing, I guess... is the fact that "time" is just a unique entity that might change the way we (and others) see things as it passes us by...

There are things that seem to be "black and white" to us at a certain moment in life - maybe because of the situations that we face at that time - or the emotions - or anything else - but as time passes... what we think "we saw clearly" took different forms altogether... and they look slightly or very different now... Time has reinterpret the way that they are seen...

And that's why I think an offline journal has this benefit of things not being made public or known to others, until we have decided that the first interpretation wasn't a wise one after all... It has that benefit of "time"... It keeps things in secret until things have withstood the test of time...

But of course I know all the benefits of an online journal... All the encouragement that you get from people... All the incentives to write as you know that others - at least a few people - are reading what you are writing... And just to feel that you have done something - and something others can see! It is satisfying!

And of course it is true that an online journal can be something that's done with the purpose to encourage and build others up. Or to share something with them... Or just to pour your hearts out... After all, this is an age where things are shared with others over the world wide web... =)

I guess... both offline and online journals have their own benefits... As long as we are clear what it is that we are trying to do when we write them.

Who is our target audience? What's the purpose of my writing? Will anyone be encouraged by this? Am I hoping to challenge someone through this? Am I setting an example? Sharing a struggle? Do I just want to be encouraged at the moment? Or am I just showing my human/personal side to others - so they can have a fuller picture of myself?

Would what I write benefit others? Should I write and post this online? Who would be reading this? Would they benefit from reading this? Or would they be stumbled instead?

We can't, of course, be responsible for the way others respond to everything we decide to post online... but I do think that we should exercise a duty of care...

Anyway, I know, most 'saints of old times' I know keep offline journal only because for them, an online one was simply not an option. =) And in today's world, there are many godly people who are keeping an online journal...

But yeah... just thinking I guess... and reflecting... =)

I think, for me, personally - at the moment - I know that an offline journal is something that I plan to work on a bit more... A journal to write down my personal reflections of the Bible passages I am reading... of the questions I have... of the things about people that came to mind as I read certain Bible passages, etc... So yeah, things that are mainly to do with my own personal communication with God or things that might be related to others, but might be better kept to myself or as a topic of conversation with God only...

I will of course, keep working on my blog... Just because I love writing... But yeah, it's been good for me to be reminded that when I do write a blog post (like this) - I'd better have a clear goal in mind...

I guess, for the "saints" in the past - "blog posts" are more like their letters to the people they ministered to? Like McCheyne's letters, or John Newton's letters... or Ryle's letters... Letters they wrote to either encourage or challenge people's ways of thinking or actions...

Although as I said, acknowledging the time I live in, sharing a bit of life - personal but not important - might also be done... =)

Anyway... the sentence that keeps coming back to me from the book - as I reflect on the things I chose to write/not write and also on the things I choose to say/not to say in my conversations with others now - is this:

"As I look back on life with Mum and Dad, perhaps the one thing I recall most vividly is the memory that I don't have. Try as I might, I cannot recollect one time when either of them spoke negatively about another person. Although Mum was an extremely astute judge of character, her analyses were well seasoned with grace and the latent potential for redemption."

I certainly needed the rebuke and reminder! =)

Find Us Faithful

Finished reading a book recently, which made a reference to a song, which was introduced to me by a brother sometime ago.

The person in the book - in whose funeral the song was sang though, did live a life that reflects the lyrics of the song...

Also saw a very old couple who came to my workplace to attend friday fellowship and very encouraged by them also... and by the fire of their devotion - even to their old age...

My prayer is that even if my life will be pale compared to these people's lives, the lyrics of the song will still be true of me to a certain extent... =)

Find Us Faithful
(from: http://www.stevegreenministries.org/lyrics/index.php?song=402)

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness
Passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover
And the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them
To the road we each must find

Repeat Chorus Twice

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

Words and Music by Jon Mohr
Copyright 1988 Birdwing Music/Jonathan Mark Music (admin. By The Sparrow Corp.) All Rights Reserved. International Copyright secured.

Skills

One of the things I've been thankful to God for during these past few weeks is the fact that as a child, I was given a chance not only to learn how to make simple clothes for my Barbie dolls, but also to make simple furnitures for them - like chairs, bed etc! =)

Some skills do come in handy later on in life! =P

Tomorrow... =)

It is amazing how much you can hide from those around you....

It is amazing and yet worrying at the same time...

Looking forward to a good quality alone time with my Lord and God tomorrow!!! =)

Looking forward to be reminded of His love and kindness and sovereignty over everything... And just looking forward to enjoy "being" who I was created to be! =) Someone, who's created to enjoy a perfect relationship with my sovereign Heavenly Father, through the sacrifice of my loving Lord! =)

Looking forward to tomorrow!! =)

Saying goodbye... again...

Said goodbye to another person yesterday... Another family to be exact...

Another sad day for me...

Kept thinking... four years from now, things would have changed! Their little baby will no longer be little and the next time he sees me, he won't approach me and ask me to give him a cuddle and carry him up...

He will be 5 at that time... And he will act like any other 5 yo boys and not a cuddly toddler...

How do you do goodbyes well??? How can you get used to it???

But I guess, it is better to have even the short time with them than none at all... It is better to be thankful for what we can have than not taking the chance because we are afraid of having to end it one day...

I'm missing all my friends at the moment... They are all over the world... in different places... and they are all far away from each other! And it's just... hard...

I don't know... I guess, I'm just missing all of them at the moment...

A good choice! =)

I knew that they chose him for a good reason - or even a few good ones...

Now, though... I know that they indeed made a really good choice! =)

An interesting sms reply... A very interesting one... =) But a good one for me to learn from! =)

That's what I need to learn to do better! =) An art of encouraging and comforting people, while challenging and helping them to focus on Christ at the same time! =)

Losing the battle...

He asked me how I was coping and if I was winning the battle.

I told him, I just want to win in godliness. I don't care if I lose that particular battle - or even other battles....

Sadly, I think I lost today... More than once...

Memories...

Going through some of my old stuff - part of packing up and all - and found quite a few things which show how set I was towards China...

Maps of China...

Notes from my uni courses on Chinese culture and civilisation... Not all, just some I thought were good to understand the people and culture...

Pictures and dolls of Chinese minority people groups...

Books / biographies of missionaries to China...

Books and notes on Chinese national language...

Lots and lots of prayer points and news on China and the Chinese...

A very thick prayer book on China...

So many things on and about China and its people!

It wasn't until 2003 that I started to have a "divided heart" - which was shown more clearly later on through the two prayer groups that I was actively involved in... One for China and one for my home country...

Something in my visit back to my "second world" early last year made me decide that I probably wanted to focus on my second world...

Something that happened "back there" during that year "helped" me set my direction...

Mid last year - I asked to be taken off the China group's mailing list...

I don't know what I - or someone else - will find among my stuff - should we go through them a few years from now... =)

Wonder where I will be at that time...

Home - and by that I mean heaven - would be a nice place to be in, I guess... =)

But if not... even if it is not "my second world" or this "third world"... I pray that my desire would still see Christ glorified wherever He has placed me.... =)

Time for rest...

Have you ever wondered how our body is able to take in SO much, and even carry on a very heavy load when it needs to, and yet it also knows when it finally can "break down" and get some time for rest?

Feel that a heavy burden has just been lifted off me... It's not really solved, but I've passed it on... and so the responsibility is no longer mine...

And so feeling VERY tired at the moment...

I guess, finally, my body is catching up with its need for rest - after being forced to carry so much, for so long...

Thankful to God for a chance to have an early rest! =)

Other responsibilities, would just have to wait until I recover... =)

Dot to Dot

Bought two Dot to Dot books two days ago, and finished all the pictures on the thinner book that same night.

Spent a few minutes doing some alphabet tracing yesterday, too. Wanted to do it for a bit longer, but didn't have the time.

You might be wondering what's the big deal about doing those things, right? =)

Well, I'm learning to write using my left hand now.

I can write using my left hand already. But it's VERY slow and the writing is a bit messy and you can see that I don't have a firm/stable hold of my pencil/pen when writing...

Anyway... why am I doing this?

Well, partly for fun. =) (It's been fun re-learning the process of writing and drawing etc - and then come to appreciate better the learning process that kids have to go through =)); partly, to give my right brain a bit of work-out =P; and I guess, partly in anticipation of the future that I might not be able to use my right hand as freely as I can at the moment... =)

Just Around the Riverbend...

What I love most about rivers is:
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing...

What's around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend
I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Where the gulls fly free
Don't know what for
What I dream the day might send
Just around the riverbend
For me... Coming for me...

Just around the riverbend...

(from Pocahontas by Disney, lyrics by Stephen Schwartz)

=(

It's hard when you feel that you can't really relate to people around you.

Hard when people don't understand the concerns that you have.

Hard when you think they are only concerned about trivial matters or that they don't understand real world problems...

But then, maybe, those trivial things are real world problems to them! - in their real world anyway!

Annoying though, when they seem to be so occupied with things that are just... to me... I don't know...

I guess I'm just tired of people whining or people feeling sorry for themselves - instead of being thankful - without realising that they have SO much to thank God for! I mean, quit winging! Enough! Don't you know how much you have compared to many others?!

Anyway, I know, I know... not everyone has an idea of how real life can be for some people... so it's OK...

Besides, God has had to put up with me... Surely I can put up with them!

As Oft, with Worn and Weary Feet

Words: James Edmeston, Fifty Original Hymns (Northampton, England: 1833), number 4.

Music: Bremen, Georg Neumark, 1641

As oft, with worn and weary feet,
We tread earth’s rugged valley o’er,
The thought, how comforting and sweet:
Christ trod this very path before!
Our wants and weaknesses He knows,
From life’s first dawning to its close.

Does sickness, feebleness or pain
Or sorrow in our path appear?
The recollection will remain,
More deeply did He suffer here:
His life, how truly sad and brief,
Filled up with suffering and with grief.

If Satan tempt our hearts to stray
And whisper evil things within,
So did he, in the desert way,
Assail our Lord with thoughts of sin,
When worn and in a feeble hour
The tempter came with all his power.

Just such as I, this earth He trod,
With every human ill but sin;
And though indeed the very God,
As I am now so He has been.
My God, my Savior, look on me,
With pity, love and sympathy.

He Knows It All...

A friend once told me that whenever she wanted to cry but couldn't, she would watch a very sad movie / drama, to make herself cry...

That is what I want at the moment... a really sad movie to watch... so that I'll be able to cry with the main characters in the movie...

My only comfort at the moment... is only the fact... that my Father knows it all(!) . . .


He Knows It All

Words: Ophelia Adams, 1905.
Music: C. M. Davis (MI DI, score).

I love to think my Father knows
Why I have missed the path I chose,
And that I soon shall clearly see
The way He led was best for me.

Refrain
He knows it all, He knows it all,
My Father knows, He knows it all;
Thy bitter tears how fast they fall!
He knows, my Father knows it all.

I love to think my Father knows
The thorns I pluck with every rose
The daily griefs I seek to hide
From the dear souls I walk beside.
Refrain

I love to think my Father knows
The strength or weakness of my foes,
And that I need but stand and see
Each conflict end in victory.
Refrain

from: http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/h/e/k/heknowsi.htm

Pieces of a jigsaw puzzle...

Reading a very interesting book at the moment! =)

It's been good to be able to understand better some of the things that were just jigsaw pieces to me so far...

I guess, it's like all these time, I have been given different bits and pieces from a jigsaw puzzle, without ever being given a chance to see what the complete picture will look like... And now, finally, after such a long time, I am given a chance to see how the complete puzzle looks like and so all those pieces are seen in new light! =)

I know where they fit in the puzzle and I know what they are parts of - why their colours and shapes and shades etc are the way they are! =)

Buah simalakama...

Somehow, at the moment, gua ngerasa kalo gua tuh sedang di-suguh-i buah simalakama...

Bingung gitu loh... Ngga tau mo diapain...

Dimakan... salah!

Ngga dimakan... juga salah!

Tapi ngga diapa2in juga ngga bisa gitu loh... Soalnya kalo ngga diapa2in, jadi sama ama ngga dimakan... which is salah juga! =(

Bingung... =(

When words fail you...

There are times when words fail you...

When you feel so much is going on inside of you and/or around you that you no longer know how to process everything or how to express them with words...

When those you care about seem to be going through troubled waters and yet even your extended arm isn't long enough to reach them...

When you feel so overwhelmed by it all that you almost feel paralysed...

And yet I know that the LORD my God is still in control even in all this. That His arms are long enough to reach those across the distance, and that He does care for them much more than anyone in this world could!

And so even though words fail me... I know Him who would understand my broken prayers!

To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Psalm 46

His responsibility!

Some people might think that it's not a good idea to take all the responsibility/blame from someone, just in case s/he then work "irresponsibly".... But today, somehow, I felt I got / learned a new insight! =P

Maybe it's just me... Or maybe it's just him... Or maybe it's just the way we know each other's background and so trust each other enough?

Anyway, he knows that I get quite overwhelmed by a "sense of responsibility" - that is, I am actually someone who can function and work better when I'm not the one "responsible". Of course at the end I have to do my bit responsibly! But yeah, somehow - probably from my many comments/complaints and all - he knew that I don't cope too well when I'm being given "too much responsibility". =)

And so, out of his kindness, one of the first few ground-rules that we established was that "he is the one responsible for everything(!)" - if something doesn't get done, it's his responsibility, not mine; if something falls through the cracks - his responsibility, not mine! My job, is only to help him to do his tasks well - while being as helpful as I can of course! =)

I probably should have thanked God then... And I probably did. =) But it wasn't until today that I came to really appreciate what he actually had done! And what kindness he has shown me!

He actually volunteered to be the one to get all the blame if something goes wrong! He would also be the one people chases to make sure something gets done because it is his responsibility!

I didn't realise what kindness I had been shown...

But today, I got a new sense of appreciation and so a new sense of thankfulness! =)

Today, I realised that this "system" actually works better for me! =)

I figured out that I actually work much more effective and joyfully and less stressed out - this way! =)

And when I'm less stressed (knowing that I won't get the blame =)), my brain actually works better! =) And so, not only I am able to do what's required of me, I've also been able to come up with ways to improve the way I do things, or ways to help him do his works better and easier! =) It is actually a joy to make his life easier than harder - and to help him do his job well! =)

My brain is dead at the moment though and so can't think and can't express what I would like to express that clearly or nicely! =P

But yeah, VERY thankful to God for His kindness shown to me in this way! =)

Of course he is not perfect. This is not heaven yet! =) People are still sinful and the world we live in is still a fallen one. But yeah, I am very thankful for the chance God has given me to work and learn a bit more from him and his wife! =) Yeah, sure, it is him that I work with mostly, but he is who is because of his wife as well, I think. I mean, they are "one unit" really - at least that's how I view them anyway =)

So, very thankful to God for the privilege to work closely with these two great example of godly Christians! =)

Billy the Brolga... and the new exhibit!

I was out, but went back to take my camera and so missing 3 buses in the process! =(

The bus was extremely slow (!) - guess the driver was being extra responsible and careful - and so I was worried I would miss the 2.15 ferry.

Thankfully, I did make it! =)

However, what I missed to take into consideration, was the length of the queue for the sky safari! Somehow, it was really long today! And then there was one that was really dirty that the whole thing had to be stopped so that the carriage could be cleaned (even though it still wasn't used afterwards).

And so... I reached the top gate at 2.58!!! =( And the bird show starts at 3 pm! And the QBE bird stage is much closer to the lower gate than the top gate!

When I got out of the sky safari, I was contemplating whether I should just follow my usual path - or whether I should run and try to make it to the show - albeit a few minutes late.

Decided for the second one. And so I ran! Ran as fast as I could, going through a shorter path - feeling upset all the way, thinking and wishing that I didn't come back for my camera!

And yet (!), just as I reached the QBE bird stage, guess who was there?!

Billy the Brolga! There! Eating chips that fell into the drain!

Of course he was surrounded by a few keepers who were trying to work out what to do with him next - or how to return him to his "place". But I saw him up close and personal! =D

I was so amazed to see him there that I didn't get a chance to take out my camera and take a picture of him though! =(

But yeah, I was SO happy to see him there! And to be that close to him! =)

Now, I know that most of you who read this won't understand what the big deal was... =) That's ok. =) I'm the main audience of this piece of writing =P But in case you are curious, Billy was supposed to fly down the stage before the show started - to open the show kind of thing. But somehow, today, he didn't! And so it was unusual for him to be there (and for me to get a chance to see him that closely) and it also meant I wasn't late for the show! =) (although somehow, I wouldn't have cared that much even if I was a bit late for the show - or missed something - after that "special meeting"!) Oh, and I got to take a nice pictures of Boo the Barking Owl and Minkar the White Bellied Sea Eagle, too, from the spot where I stood today! =)



God was indeed kind to me! =)

And Great Southern Ocean exhibit has been opened! =) It's new and it's big! Very spacious! And the seals looked very "at home"! =)

Only saw one of the leopard seals, though. There were supposed to be three of them. Although not sure if they are used to being with each other yet, because last time I read on the news, they are still not used to being with each other. They are quite solitary animals.

And you can see the seals from under the water! And one of the seals was especially friendly! Putting up a show for those who were there! =) Pity I missed the seal training and practice sessions! =(

The pelicans were moved though! Although I didn't get a chance to visit the bird sanctuary at the top gate, and so not sure if those are the same pelicans or not. But I don't think they were planning to get new ones, so they must be the same pelicans! Which means, they have been re-housed after living in their old house for such a long time!

And the fiordland penguins were put together with the little penguins! That was a bit strange! Although maybe the keepers and all the animal experts had taken everything into considerations and saw nothing wrong with doing that... Hmmm... It was just a bit strange to see them living together within the same space. In the past, the fiordland penguins used to live together - just the three of them - and it was funny to see how they interacted with each other! =) Anyway, could be that they shared habitat in nature, too... =)

Didn't get to visit many other places. Bought something from the zoo shop for someone's belated bday. Wanted to buy something else for someone else, too, but then I have no excuse to get that present. Just thought he would like it since he has been wanting to visit Taronga Zoo and yet hasn't got a chance! But yeah, he would have to wait for his b'day now, I guess! =) Or he can get it when he finally does get a chance to visit the zoo later! =P

And oh, I learned something new about seal movements today! =) Leopard and Elephant seals swim/move like fish in the water and like caterpillar on the land, while "real" seals are like penguins, they "fly"/"slide" in the water and move using their flippers on the land... I think that was the difference - from memory... =)

And also that fishing hooks are not good for wildlife! And that trashes from the land washed up to the sea are also harmful to animals - because they do either take it as food or something to play with - just like that penguin in Happy Feet!

Anyway, always find a visit to Taronga Zoo refreshing - as it reminds me of the God who looks after His creatures - God who cares for His creation, including these animals! And if He does care for them, how much more does He care for me?! And so I don't need to worry about anything in this world! =) I just have to keep seeking His Kingdom! =) Same message as from Matthew 6, right?! =P

Looking forward to heaven, though, when there will be no more enmity between rest of creations and us humans. When we will no longer be sinful, so we won't harm the animals, and when we will be at perfect peace with nature and with each other - because we are fully "at peace" and in perfect relationship, with God! =)

Taking it lightly...

Someone asked me whether his guess was right that I got really upset about something that I mentioned to him tonight.

Well, to be honest, I just have so much anger at the moment, I guess... Too tired, been sick, and have not got enough time to take time off to just be with God - just "be" and not "do"...

But yeah, I do get really upset when I feel that someone is taking God and His Word lightly.

I just can't understand why some people think that they know enough about God already. Or that they have done what is required by God's Word. I mean, have they really looked into their sins?!

Maybe some people really are saints... Maybe they really have kept God's Word...

I'm not "judging" without examining myself. I know better than anyone else how much I fail God's standard, and how much I'm sustained by His grace alone!

But I'm really uncomfortable when people seem to be taking His grace for granted. To me, that's just wrong. How could they not see how sinful their hearts are. Or at least, how far from perfect they are? And if they see it, shouldn't they be uncomfortable and repent?!

Anyway... I know, God grows people at different pace, and so I really need to keep reminding myself that I should let God do all His work... And be patient with them as He has been patient with me!

"Good-night" songs

I think, I'm the type of person who would like to make sure that I get at least a chance to say that I would like to say =) And so, been thinking a bit about my funeral songs for a while... No, not that I think I'm "going soon" or anything - although with God, you never know =)

But yeah, been thinking... especially since I am quite particular about the songs/hymns that I "like"/"prefer" and especially their lyrics.

And so, I have decided to start writing about it and telling people about it. =) Although of course, it would be of no use if Jesus ended up coming back before I die. But then I'm sure I would be too glad to meet Him that I wouldn't care about this plan anymore. =)

Anyway, I do plan to keep adding songs/hymns to my list. =) But so far, I have four hymns on my list:

1. The Rock of Ages

Either or both in English and in Indonesian, I don't mind - depends on where I die, I guess. And depends on who end up attending the service (if someone organises one =)). I want this song/hymn to be played to the tune and in the way that's as close as possible to that same song in Ruth Buchanan's cd - Songs for the Wealthy Beggar. I want that strong and clear drum sound (at the beginning and throughout)! =)

2. My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

Again, either or both in English and Indonesian - depend on those who would be there. =) This one to be sung to the more upbeat music version of the hymn. At the moment, I have in mind the way it's played in the "Passion: Hymns Ancient and Modern" cd. But I don't like the way that song is ended. So just stick to the wordings of the hymn. =) But yeah, again, strong drum sound. I like having clear song beats.

(I know, I know... I will be dead already by that time, right? Still, this might help people appreciate my taste of music =P)

3. The Christian's "Good Night"

English lyrics can be found here: http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/c/g/cgoodnit.htm
Not sure if there is an Indo translation or not... If not - hopefully, I or someone else will be able to come up with one before there is a need for it. =)

I want my funeral/memorial/thanksgiving service to be a joyous occasion, celebrating the fact I finally got to see my Saviour face to face. But yeah, I know it would be hard for the people I'll leave behind (or maybe not =)) so have decided to include some songs (and this is one of them) that would help them to grieve as well...

4. O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing

Again, there are English and Indo lyrics for this. To be sung in its traditional tune - or to avoid confusion - to the tune of Azmon, by Carl G. Gläser, 1828.

I'm still thinking about this last song... It would depend on how soon I'd be called home, I guess... But yeah, somehow, I just want the last song to be a song that proclaims the good news of Jesus - a song that motivates people to not just glorify His name, but also to keep proclaiming His name - cos otherwise, they won't get to see me again later(!) - well, I'm half true, right? (though theologically maybe a bit dodgy =P)


Anyway, this is just my current thinking =) I might change my mind tomorrow or years from now =) Depends on how long God plans to keep me here, I guess =) I don't mind either at the moment. I mean, death is great, I get to meet Christ! =) But yeah, life isn't bad either. I get to serve Him here. =) So, whatever He's planned for me! =)

=)

Have always wanted to come up with something nice for a small amount of money only. =)

It's not really about being cheap as much as being creative! I mean, it is always harder to come up with something nice for less amount of money, right? =) But that just means that the challenge is greater, and that there is more fun in meeting the challenge! =P

Very happy someone gave me the chance to do that today. And very happy that the creative side of my brain was cooperative! =)

Itu gigi kenapa?

The first question he asked me after he saw my smile was: "Itu gigi kenapa?" (What's wrong with your tooth?)

I was surprised!

I was really surprised.

I mean, no one ever really asked me that question before. I guess, it could be that people were just being polite to me. =) Or it could also be that they never really noticed...

Well, for the record - yes, one of my front teeth is dead. I fell and my mouth hit the floor when I was very young and so one of my front teeth is basically dead. That's why the colour's like that. And that's why it's "dark". A sign of 'death'... =)

Not sure that it'll get any darker. It's much darker than when I was first told the tooth's 'dead', but hasn't really changed in the past few years...

Anyway, all these conversations reminded me of two things in the lives of Christians:

1. Just like the dead tooth has become more visible over time , I guess 'dead Christian' (i.e. someone who seem to be one but not really) might not look that different to a real Christian at first. BUT, over time, it will become clearer whether you are actually 'dead' or 'alive' on the inside! =)


2. The gentleman above was able to spot my problem pretty much straight away because he was trained in that field. He knew that something was wrong with my tooth.

I think, like that gentleman, Christians, who are well-trained in their field (i.e. knowledge and love of God), would also be able to spot sins - be it in themselves or others - more clearly, than ones who are not as well-trained... Because with good training in God's Word, we'll grow in our ability to see things His ways, and we'll be able to see sins for what they really are, as God sees them...

Just pray that we'll be given humility and strength to respond in the way that He wants us to respond as well! =)

Spoilt plan...

Plan was to sleep VERY early tonight! (Like 8 or 9!) And yet it's 1 am already and I'm only just about to go to bed! =(

I guess they are worth the effort, the trouble and the time...

Just pray that those things would really end up bringing some encouragement their way and that God in His mercy would use them for His glory and for the good of His people in the future... =)

He challenges me!

He is not exactly the most organised person on earth... And he definitely doesn't look cool! And I don't think I would consider him as the best communicator I've known either...

But he has a great love for His God! And he does love His people! And you can see it so clearly in his life, and in all the decisions that he's made - both small and big! And you can even see it in his attitude to things in life, too...

And those things - his love for God, his attitude and the way he makes decisions - made up for his first set of characteristics!

I mean, he might not be the most organised person, or someone who looks cool or the best communicator, but he challenges me! Challenges me through what he says and what he does, to be more godly(!), and to aim big and achieve greater things for God! =)

He challenges me to not be "easily pleased" with where I am in terms of my godliness and my current growth state and rate... to not think too highly of myself... to keep repenting... to keep growing in my Christlikeness... to keep running my race well, while being gracious to others in my dealing with them... to care for people from my heart... to be purposeful even at play... to know that there are times to say the hard things and there are times to listen hard and encourage...

I've learnt a lot from him... I have been challenged much... I have been spurred on and encouraged to consider, and reconsider, whether I really have given my best to God in all areas of my life...

I feel really privileged for this God-given opportunity... God has really been kind to me! =)

PS: Does not mean that the first set of characteristics does not matter at all anymore... They still do matter at times... But yeah, the other things help me to forgive and overlook and put up with them, I guess! =P

Dibedol ka ditu ka dieu...

Da naon atuh ari hirup teh? Pikeun simkuring mah, hirup teh, nya eta Al Masih. Jadi, paeh teh mangrupa hiji kauntungan. Tapi upama simkuring diparengkeun panjang umur sarta bisa migawe hal-hal anu penting, kumaha atuh pihadeeunana? Lebah dieu, simkuring teu bisa nangtukeun mana anu kudu dipilih! Asa dibedol ka ditu ka dieu: Aya hayang geura los mulang ngahiji jeung Al Masih; sabab eta anu panghadena mah; tapi aya oge hayang tetep keneh hirup, tina ngaraskeun ka dulur-dulur. Panghadena, pikeun aranjeun mah, upama simkuring tetep hirup.

Purpose of all the rules...

A brother once asked me if I was noticing too many "faults" within a translated passage because of my linguistic/translation background...

I appreciated his comment because he could be right. =) I needed the reminder and challenge whether that was indeed what I was doing - paying too much attention to the technicalities of the language that I missed the point of the whole thing!

I gave an answer to him at that time. But it is not something I will try to articulate here. =)

I will, however, quote something I have just read from a book - something that would explain my point of view on the subject much better than I did, and something that I am posting here for my future reference and benefit! =)

So, herein lies the purpose of all the rules: If the artist fails to follow them, the audience becomes distracted. Rules exist for the sake of efficiency. If your reader has to struggle to understand what you mean, he does so at the expense of your story.

(from The Writer's Book of Wisdom - 101 Rules for Mastering Your Craft, by ST Goldsberry)

Doesn't matter... =)

She was right (!) . . .

I'm no longer doing this for them, and so am less affected by their decisions and attitudes!

I have my own reasons to do this... I have a strong enough motivation - and enough pull and push factors...

And so God willing, I am going to do this... - with... or without them! =)

Lain simkuring sorangan deui nu hirup / no longer I who live...

Anu jadi dosa tea mah, nya eta: Lamun sajeroning hayang diangken bener ku Allah teh ku jalan ngalakonan deui Toret anu ku simkuring geus dipiceun tea. Ku sabab simkuring ayeuna mah geus kawengku ku hukum anyar, atuh tina hukum Toret mah simkuring teh geus sirna; da simkuring mah geus masrahkeun hirup ka Allah ku lantaran geus milu digantung jeung Al Masih. Ku kituna, anu hirup di simkuring teh geus lain simkuring sorangan deui, tapi saenyana mah Al Masih anu ngancik di jero diri simkuring. Hirup simkuring anu kiwari teh, estu ku karana iman ka Nu jumeneng Putra Allah, anu geus mikaasih sarta ngorbankeun salira-Na nalangan simkuring. Eta sih piwelas-Na ku simkuring, tangtu moal ditolak. Sabab upama urang bisa salamet ku lantaran hukum Toret, atuh pangorbanan Al Masih dugi ka pupusna teh, mubadir bae!

-----------

I have been crucified with Christ,
and I no longer live,
but Jesus Christ lives in me
I have been crucified with Christ...

The life I live in the body,
I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself for me...

a memory verse song by Colin Buchanan

Conto keur arurang...

Ku sabab dina kamanunggalan jeung Al Masih teh aya pepeling, aya panglipur ti asih-Na, aya apingan Ruh, aya silih asih, sarta silih pikanyaah; sabab eta, dulur-dulur, sampurnakeun kabungah simkuring teh, ku jalan sing sahate, sapikir, sakanyaah, sajiwa, sarta sing sauyunan. Ulah pakia-kia atawa pagirang-girang tampian; anggur kudu handap asor, mandang batur leuwih luhur harkatna. Ulah ngan inget kana kaperluan sorangan bae, kaperluan batur oge kudu diperhatikeun. Aranjeun kudu miboga sipat eta, sakumaha Al Masih tea. Kapan Al Masih teh, ari wujud-Na mah, salira Allah; tapi sanajan kitu, Anjeunna henteu kamagungan. Eta kaagungana-Na teh, anggur dianggo kumawula; Anjeunna ngajadi saharkat jeung manusa, nyorang hirup sakumaha manusa ilahar. Estuning ngalaipkeun Anjeun, ta'at-Na, tug nepi ka pupus: Paragat nyawa disalib. Nu matak ku Allah, Anjeunna teh, dijungjung pangluhurna sarta dipaparin gelaran pangpunjulna, nepi ka sakabeh nu di sawarga, nu di bumi, jeung nu di alam kubur sarujud ka Anjeunna anu ngagem jenengan Isa. Kabeh baris ngaku: "Isa Al Masih teh Gusti Panutan," pikeun kamulyaan Allah anu jumeneng Rama.

Nothing, but the grace of God...

Ahirna, maranehna jadi cekcok marebutkeun saha nu unggul. Ku Isa diwawadian, saur-Na, "Ari di bangsa-bangsa, raja-raja teh marentah ka rayatna, anu nyarekel kawasa disebutna pelindung rayat. Maraneh mah ulah kitu. Anu dipikolot di maraneh mah malah kudu daek jadi pangngorana, anu jadi pamingpin kudu daek jadi juru laden. Cik antara nu dilaladenan dahar jeung anu ngalaladenanana luhur mana? Luhur anu dilaladenan. Tapi kapan Kami oge di maraneh teh pelayan. Maraneh salawasna babarengan jeung Kami, sajeroning Kami nyorang sagala cocoba. Sarta Kami geus nangtukeun hak-hak Karajaan pikeun maraneh, nya eta hak anu gues dipaparinkeun ka Kami ku Ama. Jadi, maraneh boga hak dahar nginum sameja jeung Kami di jero eta Karajaan. Jaba ti eta, maraneh ge dibere kalungguhan pikeun nerapkeun hukum ka dua belas kaom Israil.

Simun, Simun! Tuh Iblis geus ngincer ka maneh, rek ditapikeun kawas ka gandum. Tapi maneh ku Kami geus dipangnedakeun, supaya ulah nepi ka pecat iman. Di mana geus tobat, maneh wajib mere sumanget ka pada batur." Jawab Petra, "Jungjunan, abdi rido dipanjara atanapi kedah paeh babarengan sareng Jungjunan!" Tapi saur Isa, "Cek Kami: "Petra, peuting ieu memeh hayam kongkorongok, maneh geus tilu kali mungkir, nya eta nyebutkeun teu wawuh ka Kami."

..................................

Geus kitu, Anjeunna angkat ka luar kota kawas sasari, nya eta ngajugjug Gunung Jetun sarta diiring ku murid-murid-Na. Sasumpingna ka ditu Anjeunna sasauran, "Maraneh kudu sembahyang supaya ulah beunang ku dodoja." Geus sasauran kitu, Anjeunna mencilkeun anjeun jauhna kira-kira sapamaledog; tuluy bruk nyuuh bari sasambat, "Duh Ama, manawi kenging mah, candak ieu lumur kasangsaraan teh ti Abdi; sanaos kitu, ulah numutkeun panuhun Abdi, nanging pangersa Ama nu kedah laksana." Ti dinya, aya malaikat ti langit nembongan ka Anjeunna pikeun maparin sumanget. Anjeunna teh keur katarajang kasieun anu pohara; sasambat-Na beuki husu. Cikaringet-Na lir tetesan-tetesan getih, nyakclakan kana taneuh. Tamat ngadu'a, lajeng cengkat nyampeurkeun murid-murid. Maranehna teh kasampak keur sarare teu kawawa ku nalangsa. Ku Anjeunna disauran, "Naha sarare? Harudang! Heg sarembahyang, supaya ulah beunang ku dodoja."

...................................

Isa geus ditangkep, dibawa ti dinya, digiring ka bumi Imam Agung. Petra nuturkeun ti kajauhan. Di tengah buruan bumi aya anu keur mirunan diparake siduru, Petra milu siduru. Katenjoeun ku hiji gandek awewe, sanggeus neges-neges pok manehna ngomong, "Tah ieu ge baturna itu." Ku Petra dipungkir, "Lain, wawuh ge henteu ka dinya teh!" Teu lila aya deui anu ngomong, pokna, "Maneh ge sarombongan jeung itu!" Petra mungkir deui, "Lain, lain!" Heuleut sajam, pok deui bae, aya nu ngomong, tandes pisan pokna, "Sidik ieu jalema teh baturna itu, urang Galilea keneh!" Tapi cek Petra, "Lain, kuring mah teu nyaho-nyaho!" Harita keneh kadenge hayam kongkorongok. Isa ngareret ka Petra. Ras Petra inget kana kasauran Anjeunna: "Memeh hayam kongkorongok peuting ieu, maneh geus tilu kali mungkir, nyebut teu wawuh ka Kami." Leos bae, manehna indit bari ceurik, awahing ku nalangsa.

-----------------------------

"Lord, I remember that special way,
I vowed to serve you, when it was brand new.
But like Peter, I can't even watch and pray, one hour with you,
And I bet, I could deny you too.

But nothing lasts, except the grace of God,
by which I stand, in Jesus.
I know that I would surely fall away,
except for grace, by which I'm saved."

(from Grace by Which I Stand, by Keith Green)

Estu anugrah...

Karajaan Sawarga teh, ibarat hiji jelema anu rebun-rebun geus indit neangan kuli, nya sina digawe di kebon anggurna. Sanggeus putus yen piburuheunana sadinar sapoe, terus kuli-kuli digarawe. Kira-kira pukul salapan, manehna indit deui, ka pasar; di dinya manehna manggih nu keur ngaligeuh, terus ditawaran gawe, pokna: 'Hayu gawe di kebon anggur kula, buruhna pantes.' Tuluy maranehna arindit digawe. Kira-kira pukul dua belas jeung pukul tilu, nu boga kebon teh indit deui, cara tadi. Kira-kira pukul lima, geus burit, indit deui bae neangan jelema. Geus manggih diajak ngomong: 'Ku naon tingjaranteng bae ti isuk?' Walonna: 'Teu aya anu ngulikeun.' 'Hayu atuh milu, digawe di kebon kula.' Sanggeus reupreupan, nu ngulikeun teh nitah ka mandor: 'Sina kumpul nu digarawe teh, buruhanana bayar. Heulakeun bayar anu daratang pangburitna.' Tuluy nu daratang pukul lima sore dibayar ti heula sadinar sewang. Anu daratang pangisukna, maranehna nyangka rek dibayar leuwih gede. Tapi wet, sarua sadinar keneh. Bari nampanan buruhan maranehna gegelendeng: 'Nu daratang pangburitna digawena ukur sajam, ari bayaranana wet disaruakeun jeung anu ngadedeluk ti isuk keneh bari moe maneh.' Cek anu ngagawekeun: 'Dulur-dulur, kula henteu pilih kasih. Lain geus akur urang teh, buruhna sadinar sapoe? Geus, geura tarima ku maraneh, jeung geura balik. Hanas anu daratangna pangburitna dibayar sarua jeung aranjeun, atuh eta mah geus niat kula kitu. Na teu meunang kula make duit sorangan sakahayang? Atawa maraneh sirik pedah kula bageur?

----------

Nu leuwih eces mah dawuhan ka Rabeka, basa Rabeka keur kakandungan kembar ti carogena, Isak tea, karuhun urang. Ti memeh kakandunganana tea medal, jadi acan lakon hade atawa goreng, nu hiji enggeus dipilih sarta Allah geus netelakeun yen pamilih Mantenna henteu dumasar kana hade gorengna kalakuanana, estu wungkul ku karana pangersa-Na bae. Kieu dawuhan-Na:
'Lanceukna bakal kumawula ka adina.'
Oge kauni dina Kitab:
'Ka Yakub Kami teh asri, ari ka Esau mah giruk.'
Kumaha ari kitu! Naha urang rek nyalahkeun, majarkeun Allah teu adil! Baheula Mantenna ngadawuh ka Musa:
'Kami rek mikarunya ka sakur anu geus ditangtukeun ku Kami.
Kami niat ngurniaan ka sakur nu geus kapilih ku Kami.'
Eta teh, netelakeun yen Allah henteu gumantung kana kahayang atawa tingkah laku jelema. Kabeh gumantung kana pangersa-Na. Oge dina Kitab aya dawuhan Mantenna ka Piraon: 'Nu matak maneh ku Kami dijungjung teh lantaran ku Kami arek dipake pikeun nembongkeun kakawasan, supaya ngaran Kami kakoncara ka sakuliah dunya.' Jadi, Allah mah, mikawelas teh ka saha bae anu kamanah ku Mantenna; kitu oge, upama Mantenna ngersakeun jelema jadi bedegong, nu mana bae.

Meureun cek aranjeun: 'Ana kitu, naha atuh Mantenna sok ngaweweleh kalakuan manusa, da saha atuh jelemana anu bisa mapalangan kana pangersa-Na?' Kieu saenyana: 'Ambeu, naha saha manusa teh make wani-wani ngalawan ka Allah?' Upama urang barang jieun, eta barang anu dijieun teh moal bisa nyalahkeun kieu: 'Ku naon kuring dijieun kieu?' Upamana bae Ki panjunan, tangtu bisa kumaha karep kana taneuh lempung, naha rek dijieun wadah anu endah atawa anu basajan bae. Jadi, upama Allah rek nibankeun bebendu jeung pangawasa-Na ka anu ku Mantenna rek dibenduan jeung diruksak, tapi kersa nyabaran keneh; eta teh taya lian, ti seja mintonkeun kamulyaana-Na anu tanpa wangenan, ka nu baris dipiwelas jeung baris diangkat kana kamulyaan. Nya eta urang tea, anu ku Mantenna geus disaur. Ari nu disalaur teh lain ngan ti urang Yahudi wungkul, tapi ti bangsa-bangsa sejenna oge. Sakumaha dawuhna-Na dina kitab Hosea:
'Anu tadina lain umat Kami, seja diaku jadi umat Kami.
Kami seja nerapkeun kaasih ka anu tadina henteu dipikaasih.
Kitu deui di tanah anu tadina disebut:
Maraneh mah lain umat Kami,
baris diaku jadi putra-putra Allah Anu jumeneng.'
Nabi Yesaya oge, kieu saurna ngeunaan urang Israil teh: 'Sanajan bani Israil lobana, lir keusik lautan, nu baris dirahayukeun mah ngan sabagean leutik.' Sabab sakur anu ku Pangeran geus ditimbalkeun, tinangtu ku Mantenna dibuktikeun di ieu bumi kalawan sahinasna tur sampurna. Memeh eta, Nabi Yesaya nyaurkeun kieu:
'Cacakan upama Pangeran henteu ngarikeun binih, nasib urang teh moal beda ti nagara Sadumu jeung Gomora.'

... tanda, pikeun anu palercaya...

Sabab upama biwir ngaku, yen Isa teh Gusti Jungjunan tur percaya dina hate, yen Anjeunna ku Allah geus digugahkeun ti nu maraot, tanwande urang ginanjar salamet. Kapan percaya teh ku hate, ngalantarankeun urang diangken bener. Ari ngaku teh ku biwir, anu ngalantarankeun urang disalametkeun. Cek Kitab: 'Sakur nu percaya ka Anjeunna, ku Anjeunna moal diangles.' Sakur teh, hartina, sing saha bae kalawan teu dibeda-beda, taya urang Yahudi taya urang Yunani. Sabab Allah anu tunggal teh Allah nu disembah ku kabehan, lautan kurnia keur sakur anu sumambat ka Mantenna. Sabab sing saha anu sumambat ka pajenengan Pangeran, tinangtu disalametkeun. Tapi kumana arek sumambat ka Mantenna, ari maranehna embung percaya ka Anjeunna? Kumaha arek percaya ka Anjeunna, ari henteu ngadenge? Kumaha arek ngadenge hal Anjeunna, ari teu aya anu ngabaran? Saha anu rek ngabaran, ari teu aya nu diutus? Cek Kitab: 'Ku endah langkahna jalma-jalma anu ngemban warta pikabungaheun!'

Sabab dunya teh, pohara nya diasihna ku Allah; nepi ka Putra Tunggal-Na oge dipasrahkeun, supaya sing saha anu percaya ka Anjeunna ulah nepi ka binasa; tapi sabalikna, bisa tinemu jeung hirup abadi. Pangna Allah ngutus Putra-Na ka alam dunya teh, lain rek ngahukum, enyana mah rek nyalametkeun alam dunya ku parantaraan Putra-Na. Saha bae anu percaya ka Anjeunna, moal dihukum; anu baris dihukum teh, anu embung percaya sabab henteu ngandel ka nu ngaran Putra Tunggal Allah tea.... Rama nu mikaasih ka Putra geus masrahkeun sakabeh perkara ka Anjeunna. Anu percaya ka eta Putra, tangtu tinemu jeung hirup langgeng. Tapi anu henteu anut ka Putra mah, moal papanggih jeung hirup; sabalikna, pinasti nandangan hukuman Allah."

Da ari pikeun Jamaah mah, mending ukur lima kecap, tapi matak kaharti; ti batan rebuan kecap dina basa anu teu pikahartieun. Dulur-dulur, pikiran teh, ulah kawas budak; kudu kawas budak soteh, kana sual kajahatan; ari pikiran mah, kudu sawawa. Dina Kitab Suci Toret kaungel: 'Kami rek ngandika ka ieu bangsa, lain ku jalma-jalma anu asing basana wungkul, tapi make biwir urang asing oge. Sanajan kitu, ieu bangsa teh moal nurut!' Kitu pangandika Pangeran. Tina hal ieu tetela, yen basa ajaib teh tanda lain pikeun anu palercaya, tapi pikeun anu teu palercaya. Sabalikna, anugrah nepikeun nubuwatan mah tanda pikeun anu palercaya, lain pikeun anu teu percaya. Pek wang-wang, upama Jamaah keur kumpulan, masing-masing ngaromong ku basa anu teu puguh unina tea; heug, datang jalma-jalma awam atawa nu can palercaya, atuh aranjeun teh disebut ngacambling? Sabalikna, lamun aranjeun, masing-masing, nepikeun nubuwatan mah, jalma awam atawa nu can percaya teh bisa katarik sarta picatur aranjeun baris dilenyepan. Bisa jadi, ahirna maranehna ngabudalkeun eusi hate sarta sembah sujud ka Allah bari bijil ucapna: 'Leres aranjeun teh disarengan ku Allah!'

Interesting observations...

Two different people seemed to pick up that reality... A reality that was still not obvious to my conscious self...

I was surprised to hear it from her... That that was the result of her observation...

I was even more surprised to hear a very similar observation mentioned to me by someone else, the day after(!)...

I guess, he was just an observant guy... or it could be that he knew what I had been thinking all these times, and so was able to see my change of tone...

But the first observer - I think she made an interesting comment... And I wasn't sure that she was right... But now that I've thought a bit more about it, I think she could be right...

I'm no longer doing this for others... of course I'm still doing this in relation to who I am wrt to my Master. But yeah, I've made this my plan, my mission. I'm no longer doing this for anyone else... And so, I will not be as easily as discouraged as before...

They might focus and achieve what they want to do or they might change their minds or play around... It doesn't matter that much to me now...

I am going to do this because this is what I want to do. I'm doing this for my Master, and myself.

Might sound selfish to those who don't get it =) But it's not... =)

I'm just basically saying - this is now my plan. Sure, like minded people will help me greatly... but yeah, this is now my plan...

Hard to describe... =) Maybe after thinking a bit more, I will be able to describe this in a better way =)

At the moment though, I'm pretty happy to be able to be clear in my mind that this is my plan... and it's good to have like minded people around... but even if not, if they are not around... I still have a 50 year master plan to realise! =) (with the help of my Master of course)

Dimana Tuhanku, menitipkan aku...

I will always remember the time when I was praying with the two of them, back in my second world, earlier this year... when the sister prayed for me... when she thanked God for placing me where He had decided to place me...

It is true, He decided which part of my country I should have come from... It was not without a purpose that He placed me in that place, amongst those people...

And that's why, when I found this song today - I somehow thought that it is a beautiful song! =)

Berita Cuaca a.k.a. Lestari Alamku, Lestari Negeriku
by Gombloh

Lestari alamku
Lestari desaku
dimana Tuhanku
menitipkan aku

Nyanyi bocah-bocah di kala purnama
Nyanyikan pujaan untuk nusa…

Damai saudaraku
Suburlah bumiku
Kuingat ibuku dongengkan cerita
kisah tentang jaya Nusantara lama
tenteram karta raharja disana…

Mengapa tanahku rawan kini
Bukit-bukit pun telanjang berdiri
Pohon dan rumput enggan bersemi kembali
Burung-burung pun malu bernyanyi…
,o^o;
‘
Kuingin bukitku hijau kembali
Semak rumput pun tak sabar menanti
Doa ‘kan kuucapkan hari demi hari
Kapankah hati ini lapang kini…

Lestari alamku
Lestari desaku
dimana Tuhanku
menitipkan aku

Nyanyi bocah-bocah di kala purnama
Nyanyikan pujaan untuk nusa…

Reff:
Lestari alamku
Lestari desaku
dimana Tuhanku
menitipkan aku

Kami ‘kan bernyanyi
di purnama nanti
nyanyikan bait
padamu negeri…

Damai saudaraku
Suburlah bumiku
Kuingat ibuku dongengkan cerita
kisah tentang jaya Nusantara lama
tentram karta raharja disana…

from: http://jiwamusik.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/berita-cuaca/

Sebuah lagu dari masa lalu...

(somehow the song came to mind this morning =))

Indonesia …
Merah darahku, putih tulangku
Bersatu dalam semangatmu

Indonesia …
Debar jantungku, getar nadiku
Berbaur dalam angan-anganmu

Kebyar-kebyar, pelangi jingga

Indonesia …
Nada laguku, symphoni perteguh
Selaras dengan symphonimu

Kebyar-kebyar, pelangi jingga

dari lagu Kebyar-Kebyar oleh Gombloh

Lebih dari sekedar angka...

Saya dengar, nama aslinya sebenarnya Osama. Tapi, saya dan orang tua saya selalu menyapanya dengan sebutan "Pak Haji" saja setiap kali kami bertemu dengan dia.

Tidak tahu kenapa, tapi dalam bayangan di otak saya, dia selalu memakai pakaian putih seperti pakaian orang-orang seagamanya yang mengerti ajaran agama mereka dengan cukup dalam. Mungkin pada kenyataannya, dia tidaklah selalu memakai baju putih. Tapi kalau topi putih Haji-nya, saya yakin itu bukanlah hanya sesuatu yang ada di benak saya saja. Topi itu memang selalu dia pakai di kepalanya - topi yang "memisahkannya" dari orang-orang disekitarnya.

Orangnya sudah agak tua. Sopan, berwibawa dan selalu tersenyum ramah setiap kali ia mampir ke toko orang tua saya.

Dia datang hampir setiap hari, sekitar pukul 4 - 4.30 sore. Datang membawa uang Rp 100.000,- untuk ditukarkan dengan 100 lembar uang ribuan. Untuk kembalian yang belanja. Dia berjualan ayam goreng di tanda kaki lima di seberang jalan.

Saya tidak akan lupa senyumnya... garis-garis di wajahnya, dan kerutan-kerutan di sekitar kelopak matanya ketika ia tersenyum...

Saya tahu, dia adalah seorang Haji... Saya tahu apa artinya itu! Dan saya juga tahu apa artinya itu bagi kehidupan masa depannya jika ia tidak merubah pandangannya tentang Yesus selama ia masih bisa!

Saya tahu...

Dan oleh karena itulah, saya tidak mau 'meninggalkan' dia, dan banyak lagi 'teman-teman' saya yang lain di kota kelahiran saya sana, begitu saja..

Bagi saya, mereka bukanlah hanya sekedar angka-angka saja... Mereka bukanlah hanya "sebagian" atau "beberapa orang" dari sekian banyak juta orang di negara itu yang merupakan pemeluk agama terbanyak di sana!

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang saya kenal... Mereka memiliki kepribadian... senyuman... kesedihan...

Mereka berbicara... Mereka hidup... Mereka bernama...

Namanya, Pak Haji Osama...

Reason behind the dream...

No, I didn't dream or wish to be a better creative non-fiction writer just for the sake of it...

Yes, I do find writing fun and enjoyable =) and yes, it is something that God has given me ability in... But there is more to it than those things...

You see, ever since last I read Walt Disney's biography, I have made a 50 year master plan. I know, I'm not a master. I'm only my Master's slave. And so, any 'master plan' I have should be in line with my Master's Plan - to reconcile the world to Himself. And I do believe mine is. =)

True, my Lord might come back before the 50 year is ended and it would be great! Cos there would be no need for that plan anymore! =)

Or my Lord might decided that it is time for me to return to Him - and I'd be so delighted if that's the case (imagine! - to finally get to see Him face to face!) =)

Or, as a woman, I do need to acknowledge the fact that I need to be flexible with any plans I made... And so I might change direction (or country etc) one day as long as it is still within my Master's Plan... But yeah, I am who I am and I plan as who I am at the moment. =) I plan as per now, for eternity... I don't worry about near future! =)

Anyway, while I'm waiting for either of those things to happen though, I am committed to carrying out my plan! =) And God willing, I'm so going to give all I can to realise that plan! =)

Now, what's the connection with my dream of being a creative non-fiction writer you ask? =)

Well, here is the connection... (or so I believe... =))

You see, the people who are in my 50 year master plan - are a group of people whom I believe, can be most effectively reached or taught through stories...

From my observation so far, it does seem that there was a strong culture of folk stories in the past, and even now, it seems that illustrations play quite an important role for those who try to get their ideas across to people - both in secular world (newspapers etc) or religious worlds...

I can be wrong of course. But it does seem that the most effective way (so far or at the moment anyway) to get the truth across to these people - would be through illustrations of things happening in daily life, or through short stories from daily lives that are able to present some grains of truth through them...

Truth taught through stories... creative non-fiction stories...

And that's why I'm doing what I've been doing! =) I want to be part of my own 50 year master plan! My part in it might just be really small, but it doesn't matter. I am so going to be creative and make the most out of every opportunity I have to be part of that plan! =) And that is how I plan to take part - as I think that plan gives me more flexibility in terms of place... Anyway, at least that's the plan for the moment =) (me being someone with lots of ideas, could easily change my mind soon =P)

But yeah, I have a 50 year master plan. Doesn't matter where my Master end up putting me, here or there, my master plan is still the same - to see His good news get back to my country of origin... to see His Kingdom and His people mature and built up... to see my Lord being glorified through His people there!

And that's the reason behind the dream...

Cita-cita... =P

Gua nulis notes banyak2 gini tuh bukan cuma iseng doa. Ada tujuannya! =)

Salah satunya... gua pengen jadi creative non-fiction writer! =)

And ampir semua buku tentang writing yang gua baca, selalu bilang, kalo mo jadi writer, mesti sering nulis... belajar nge-ekpresiin ide elu ke dalem tulisan. Mulai nulis aja. Terus ntar kalo mesti dibenerin lagi yah benerin. Tapi, nulis...

Of course mesti baca2 buat nambah pengetahuan juga lah. Dan gua baca2 buku soal writing juga, biar gua bisa improve teknik nulis gua. =)

This note is not one of the writings yang gua apply teknik2 yang dah gua pelajari =) Ini nulis iseng pas waktu otak dah ga kerja karena terlalu cape... =) Tapi mo tetep ngebiasin gua ngga berenti nulis - buat latihan =P

Swirling ideas...

Told a brother of (yet another) idea I shared with someone... and he said that I had all these great ideas, and yet I always got too busy to follow them up...

Well, I think that's partly people's fault(!) - of not being able to keep up with me! =P

My brain works almost all the time when I'm awake. Its wheels are constantly rotating and producing all sorts of ideas (great and not so great =)) and when I think of them, I usually have the energy to do them at that time.

But you see, in this 'normal' world, it usually takes quite a long time for people to respond to my idea! =( And so by the time they got back to me... I've moved on to my next great idea already! =P

This is sort of fun! =) - to constantly trying to come up with something new, something different and something exciting, I mean. =)

It's fun! =)

Anyway, I do have to admit that I was not created with a body that is able to keep up with all my 'great' ideas though =) Not complaining. I'm sure the Perfect Creator knew what He did... So yeah, not worrying either. Just a fact I need to live with. =)

I do look after myself pretty well actually. I exercise regularly. I eat regularly, and even eat more healthily now - and I don't snack unless I'm hungry. So yeah, I'm not being irresponsible with my health. =) I believe I'm actually quite strong for a woman =P

But yeah, to get back to the real issue... =) I am someone who have more ideas than I can carry on... =) That's why I love sharing my ideas with people =) So they can help me do something! =)

This afternoon, I managed to ask someone to help me carry on one of the ideas I shared with the brother on Friday. Far from done yet. But yeah, it's good to have more people doing things I can't possibly do alone =)

And last night I managed to do something else that was part of my "unfinished business" with another brother, too! =) And I'm quite happy about that. I know, it was only the start. And I still have much to do now... Not sure I can do anything now. But hope I can do a bit more tonight or tomorrow...

But yeah, the plan is for me to do as much as possible (esp all the admin bit) while people are still away so that I can concentrate on serving people once they are back! =)

Anyway... =) I'm so going to prove to that (first) brother that he is wrong! =) That I can have ideas and that I can carry them on! And if I can't, I can get people to carry them on! =) (and if not, well, God is in control =), and of course people do need to learn to get back to me sooner, too! =P Before I got too busy after committing myself into yet another thing! =P)

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant—

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant—
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind—

a poem by Emily Dickinson

Would you like to meet some of my friends? =)

I've been wanting to introduce you to some of the people who are part of my daily lives in Indonesia, but hadn't really got a chance until now... Well, I have at least 35 whose 'pictures' I want to briefly 'paint' here! =)

Because it seems that I'm making only slow progress, I have decided to just post what I have got written down first and then will update as I get the chance... and introduce more people in separate posts, I mean...

Anyway, here are first 16 of the people I encounter in my daily life back over there, whom I want to introduce to you:

1. Oom Surachman
He is a Raden and a native. My grandpa's friend from a long time ago. He was involved in many of the fights to get our country's independence. He has always been actively involved in Angkatan 45. 82 years old. The man whose Mum just passed away. He has always been very nice to our family. I do believe that my love for books might be related to what he's done for me in the past - taking me to the city's library, and buying me children's magazines weekly. His wife is also very old and sickly. And they are poor. Though they do have kids who look after them, and the country - do look after them to a certain extent. A grandfather figure to me, especially since I lost both of my grandpas quite a while ago.

2. Isah
One of the helpers in the house. She has been working for as long as I can remember, I think - since my childhood days. A very loyal helper. She always cooked nice foods for me when I'm back home! =) Her niece used to work in our house as well - as my brother's babysitter, but then resigned, worked for others, and then went overseas to work. The niece married a useless guy, who wasted the money she sent to look after her family, including school fees for their two sons. And so, Isah's sister (the niece's Mum) often turn to her for help.

3. Ci Dede
The oldest worker at the shop, I think. 'Oldest' in terms of longest working time. =) My parents' right hand person. A very nice person. She has 3 siblings, I think - or maybe cousins - they are closely related anyhow. Her brother used to work for us, too. But no longer. Her sister was married to one of my grandparents' shop workers. She died young, leaving her husband and two (?) very little kids. Her other brother, Ko Elan, used to work at my parents' shop, too. I know him, of course! He used to work for a long while, until he got too sick to work. Yes, their families are not that healthy. At the moment, he can only stay at home. He gets too tired even when he just moves around the house. Ci Dede is the one supporting him and their Dad.

4. Ko Bubun
One of the earliest workers at the shop, too. A Christian, as far as I know. Don't know him that much. But a loyal worker of course, considering he's worked with us for a while...

5. Ko Kholid
Ko Bubun's brother. Another Christian, I think. His son is a Buddhist though - my Mum's Vihara's Sunday School student. So not sure... He used to work at a well known foto lab in our city, until Ko Bubun brought him to work at our place. =)

6. Kang Dedi
Oom Surachman's nephew, I think. Or somehow related to him... A very loyal and responsible worker. Seemed quiet, but can be talkative. One of my parents' most trusted workers - not that others are not trusted. =) On the last night that I was at home, someone left our spare (recently repaired) motorbike in front of the store at the end of the day. He came back to tell my parents and to help us store it in the garage after the rest of the workers went home.

7. Yana
He was still VERY young when he first started working at our shop. He was a very quiet lad and yet VERY dilligent (he still is both quiet and dilligent now), oh, and shy. Now, he is married and his wife is 5 months pregnant. His wife lives with her parents in another city, so he has to travel every weekend to be with her, and to spend time with her - only a day or two per week. It was a happy news for me to hear that his wife is pregnant! =) I mean, that means that their relationship - even though between cities are still quite good (haha, I know some people won't believe I say that, but it's true, though, isn't it? It's good for married couple to maintain their married relationship well)

8. Kang Yadi
He is Yana's older brother. His wife is Yana's older sister. Not sure how come it worked out like that! =) His wife now lives together with him and their two children in my hometown though. She too, used to live with her parents in that other city before they had kids. He is another honest worker. Talks a bit more compared to Yana, and isn't as shy, but equally dilligent. =)

9. Deni
This chap serves as a real life example for me as to why such thing as "missionary dating" doesn't work! This is the story: When he first came to work at our shop, he went for Fr prayer. But then, he stopped going, because he said he was actually a Chr. Then, one day, he asked my parents permission to start going for Fr prayer again (public prayer). When my parents asked him why, wasn't he a Chr? He said he broke up with his Chr girlfriend, and so he was back to his first religion!

10. Anto
A very quiet person. Very hard working. Been very busy lately, esp since Ko Elan fell sick and stopped working. He is a trustworthy worker. Not sure where he is originally from. As in, which part of the country, since I don't think he is from somewhere nearby.

11. Lucy
One of our computer girls. Mum said she doesn't believe in anything, a free thinker, but I hadn't got a chance to talk to her yet... Since she is one of the computer girls, I do not see her that often, because when I helped my parents, I often spend my time at the shop, not inside... =(

12. Lia
Another one of our computer girls. She is apparently the younger of my sis' friend. She had been away (off sick) for a bit when I was there... Latest was diagnosed with Hep A. My parents sent her to another city several times for medical treatment. I think she is better now. She was due to come back to work the week after I left. Heard from mum that she is a pentecostal Christian...

13. Sun-sun
Another computer girl who also goes to the pentecostal church... She is caring and always says Hi when she sees us (me and my sis) back. =) Someone that I wished I had a chance to talk more about her church - just have some questions about some of its 'reputation' etc... Plan for next visit, I guess... =)

14. Anne
I think she is originally from the eastern part of Indonesia, somewhere... but then again, she might have lived in our area for a while... Her sister, Rini, came and worked with us first, and then she came also. Her sister now works in the school shop of a Christian school in our city. Anne, too, is a Christian. I forgot to ask if her husband is a Christian, too, though. Her husband happens to work at my uncle's shop next door. =) I did meet him once, but forgot to ask Anne to introduce him to me...

15. Merry
Merry is about 2 months pregnant. Her husband is Ojon, another worker in my parents' shop. =) They met there. When I said goodbye to her this time, I said to her that I might not see her around the shop anymore next time I go back home, because by then, she would be a stay at home mum... It was sad to say goodbye, even though I know that she would stop working for a good thing, still...

16. Ojon
Merry's husband. Can't remember which one of them started working at our place first. =) He was the one who told my parents about someone who used to work for my parents, Ko Weli. He told my parents how much poverty Ko Weli lives in at the moment. How he couldn't find a job because of his health problem, and so how he and his wife used to eat only once (and sometimes just rice) so that their child can eat. Ko Weli's wife had died now. It was hard enough to read about poverty and all the sufferings caused by it on newspaper... It was much harder when those people affected by those things are people you know personally by names...

These are real people. These, are people I consider friends. Please do think twice before you say anything "smart" / "thoughtful"... These people are real people to me... they are not objects of intellectual discussions of what about those who don't believe in Jesus and what problems we have as a country etc...

This time, I don't want to forget them... This time, I am holding on to my memories of them as long as I can... This time, I want to be in two places for as long as possible... I might be here... But I know I'm not fully back yet... And I'm not so sure I want to be fully back here yet... =)

Communication problems...

Been reading my Alkitab instead of my ESV Bible, and so been finding it harder and harder to pray out loud in English... Not that I can easily pray in Indo now... It's just... I've been listening to God in Indo... and so harder to talk to Him in English now... simply because it's kind of weird to communicate to someone like that I guess...

I mean, I know some people do that... Like me and Judy, a girl from the Mandarin fellowship... there are times when she talks to me in Mandarin, and I will reply to her in English... But it could only last for so long, because it's just weird! Especially when we can actually communicate in just one of the languages...

I won't say I'm finding it easy to read Alkitab now... and to understand it and think it through in Indo... I feel that I have trained myself SO well to think in English that it really is now the language that I think in - when I'm alone, or talking to God... Not saying my English is perfect or that I have totally forgotten my Indo... just that... I prefer that language??? I don't know...

But yeah, there are things that are worth some sacrifices, right?

Maybe, this vision is one of them...

Missing out...

60 doctors
1200 patients
350 soldiers/army/police
many other helpers!

The biggest social event ever - so far anyway - in that city...

and I wasn't there to be part of that all (!) ...

Prayed for the event and everyone involved of course!

Resolved and asked God for help to never forget reality of life over there...

Salam

Tau, bentar lagi mesti tidur, hehe. Soalnya dah cape and lagi sakit. Tapi pengen nulis aja dulu bentar. Apalagi soalnya dah dua minggu-an gitu belom nulis apa2. Otak gua kan ngga boleh dikasih istirahat terlalu lama, cepet karatannya soalnya! =P

Anyway, cuma lagi happy aja sih, soalnya barusan, ini malem dapet sms dari ade gua, yang ngebilangin gua kalo gua dapet salam dari salah satu anak toko! =) Very happy, hehe... =)

Besok2 lagi kalo nelpon rumah kayaknya bakalan coba nelpon ke salah satu telp yang bakalan mereka jawab instead of yang deket Papa n Mama gua deh. =) Kalo ngga titip salam balik dulu kali besok. =)

Anak toko ini lucu banget! =) Orang beda daerah ama gua. Bagian tengah ato timur yah(?) pulau yang sama. Jadi sering digodain ama Papa gua n anak2 yang laen. =)

Anaknya bae. Berani lagi. Maksudnya, berani ngajak gua ngomong and cerita2 gitu. Dia yang kemaren ini (di blog post gua yang dulu), waktu "ngelayat" ngajak gua duduk bareng mereka - bareng anak2 toko yang laen. Dia juga yang bilang kalo gua ngga robah banyak.

Gua seneng soalnya dia treat gua as a person gitu loh. Ngga cuma sebagai anak bos... tapi ngga ga hormat juga...

Hmmm... susah sih neranginnya... Pokoknya, gua anggap dia temen gua deh... Anak toko yang laen juga. Gua tau mereka semua by name and I was even thinking to "introduce" all of them to you one day! =) Through my writing of course! =) Tapi yang ini, salah satu yang spesial sih... =P

Anyway, gua mungkin ngerasa bisa relate ke dia, soalnya gua ngerasa nemuin temen senasib kali yah? Kita sama2 cuma bisa pulang sekali setaon, buat spend time ama keluarga kita. And ngga bisa selama yang kita mau. Biarpun buat gua, waktu gua ama family gua, tetep jauh lebih lama daripada waktu dia ama keluarganya. Gua suka mikir, kesian orang yang kerja di sana ato juga orang2 laen juga yang ngga punya that much say over their own lives, gitu loh...

It would be tricky to know how to start a 'salty and seasoned' conversation ama dia though... I think I will start by praying and keep working on the relationship for a start, I guess... =)

Glimpses of Life Over Here - Better be a good one!

It was a sad occassion that brought all of us together there tonight. Our whole shop workers (minus one sick one and one whose house we visited) went there.

One of my parents' workers' Dad passed away this morning. He had been sick (seriously ill) for a week - but was only brought to hospital last night. Money was an issue - and probably because they didn't expect the case to be this bad this time...

Had a chance to witness that I didn't really make the most of tonight... But wasn't sure how much I should have said anyway. I did take it up as wisely as I thought I was being at that time. Maybe I could have done it better. But what has happened has happened. God could use it if He wants to. He is in control.

It was good to be able to spend some time talking to some of the girls who works in the shop (for my parents). To get to know particularly two girls better - one whose Dad passed away, and another one who is from another part of the island.

Was good to be able to talk to them as 'friends'. Of course they still 'respect' me. But from their questions... and topic of conversations - I'm thankful to God that there weren't that much barriers between us. I'm glad they let me sit with them! =)

I love these people.

I know I get sick much easier when I live here. And a brother told me recently that maybe that's a sign that I should not come back. I know he meant well, and I appreciated that. But I would not let my health be an unworthy reason not to come back.

I mean, it could be troublesome, and might slow me down a bit. But I just can't imagine what answer I should give to my Lord if He asks me - "Have you really lived out your life for Me and My people?"

Of course He might not want me to be back here for good. It is for me to work out between me and my God - which of course, is a much scarier thing to do - cos I can fool others, but I can't fool Him. And if it is true that I can't come back here, I should still think of ways to live my life out for Him fully.

But yeah, I want to have a better reason than just health, or comfort, or anything else for not coming back.

There are just too many of His works to be done here. My reason had better be a really good one!!!

Not talking about anyone else. No one needs to feel offended or uncomfortable reading this. As I said, each person needs to work it out for themselves - between God and themselves - how they can best serve God. No one is to pass judgement on others, because no one knows someone else's full story. But we should encourage each other to be as honest as possible with themselves and God... and make godly decisions.

But yeah, I love these people I live amongst... And I know He loves them more than I do! I cannot not go back just because I get sick more often here... I just can't! That's not an option!

My Lord has set me an example. He didn't find coming into this world - convenient, or comfortable, or not costly, or fun! And yet, if He choose not to come - who would have hope of eternal life?

My Apostle set me an example. He didn't find being rejected by his own people easy, or being flogged, or thrown into jail - but he did it anyway. Because He was following my Lord.

Many other brothers and sisters in my Father's family have also set me examples to follow!

I have no option... Even if I really can't come back - I can't 'ignore' the part He might want me to play in the lives of these people....... I just can't........

I have to be more creative! I have to be more prayerful.....

Glimpses of Life Over Here - Part 7

Minggu kemaren, pas waktu ngunjungin sodara gua di luar kota, dia bilang gini ke Mama gua:
"Si Lilis mah mani pusu (= simple, sederhana) nya. Ti baheula kitu we. Teu robah-robah".

Malem ini, waktu pergi ngelayat papa-nya salah satu anak toko, waktu ngobrol2 ama beberapa anak2 cewe toko, ada yang bilang gini ke gua:
"Ci Lilis mah tapi ngga rubah yah. Ci Yuli mah kaya artis sekarang. =) Ci Lilis mah masih sama aja kaya gitu. Kan ada foto yang di rumah (foto waktu gua smp ato sma kayanya). Waktu dikasih tau dari foto itu ci Lilis, terus liat orangnya juga tau ci Lilis." (or something like that =P)

Mereka bukan lagi ngomongin soal keliatan muda ato tua dll. Tapi ngasih komen soal 'dandanan' gua. =) Dan gua anggap komen2 mereka itu sebagai compliments! =P

Maksudnya, bisa aja gua ngga suka dibilang ngga rubah, kan ada orang yang ngga mo boring. =) Tapi, gua ngga mau aja orang mikir, udah sekola ke luar, atau udah kerja di luar, jadi beda... Bukan bilang ngga boleh robah sih. Ini bukan masalah keselamatan, so not important! Tiap orang beda aja... And kadang, robah itu bagus. Kaya ade gua, ato sepupu2 gua. Mereka robah, and it doesn't matter. Yang penting kan, bukan penampilan luar. =)

Yang berarti, kalo gua juga sebenernya robah banyak banget seudah ninggalin rumah! =) Gua dah dikasih kesempatan buat jadi Pengikut Yesus yang sejati, dan jadi orang yang diselamatkan! =) Tapi, dari luar/penampilan gua, ngga akan keliatan banyak kalo gua pernah kemana aja seudah ninggalin rumah waktu SMP... =)

Glimpses of Life Over Here - Part 6

Disini, kebanyakan anak2 yang kerja sembahyang lima hari sekali menurut ajaran agama mereka. Jadi, ada waktu selama jam kerja mereka, dimana mereka juga mesti "membersihkan diri" buat sembahyang.

Kalo yang cowo2, suka pada cuci-cuci tangan dan kaki di keran depan kamar mandi. Kalo yang cewe2 sih bersih2 di dalem kamar mandi.

Di rumah ini, gua mungkin ampe lupa deh, gua lagi idup dimana... soalnya, selalu aja ada yang ngingetin gua... ngingetin kalo se-'rumah' apapun tempat ini buat gua... gua belom nyampe 'rumah' gua yang asli. Gua masih di negeri perantauan... belom nyampe 'rumah' gua yang asli...

Bukan di tempat laen ngga diingetin... Tapi disini, ngga mungkin lupa aja, kalo ini bener2 belom "rumah".

Glimpses of Life Over Here - Part 5

Gua suka mikir, kalo pas lagi di Sydney yah, pas sebelom pulang, pasti mikirnya tuh... Ah, jangan belanja disini. Belanja di Indo aja. Sebentar lagi juga pulang. Harga barang disana kan murah2. Jadi aja ngga pada jadi dibeli barang2nya.

Tapi, kalo pas disini, biarpun harga barang2 relatif murah dibandingin ama harga2 di Aussie, tapi sebenernya, buat ukuran orang sini, apalagi orang kelas bawah, itu tuh mahal banget!!!

Kadang, suka sedih mikirin - I spend that much money on clothes, and they don't have enough for food!!! - Padahal, gua bukan royal segimana. Tapi, tetep aja!

Kaya pedagang2 asongan yang di pinggir jalan. Ato pengumpul2 sampah. Apalagi anak2 kecil yang mesti idup kaya gitu!

Suka bingung...

Gua tau, emang dunia ini tuh under curse. Emang ini tuh sinful world aja. Dunia yang berada di bawah kutuk, karena manusia2nya memberontak terhadap Allah!

Tapi, kemiskinan tuh, menurut gua, tetep merupakan sesuatu, yang kita sebagai orang Kristen, ngga boleh ngerasa indifferent, ngerasa ngga peduli, atau bahkan bersikap pasrah atau cuek.

Soalnya, penderitaan orang2 yang dikarenakan oleh kemiskinan tuh, ngga akan ada di sorga nanti. Anak2 dan orang2 yang menderita, orang2 kelaparan, orang2 yang mati karena penyakit2 yang bisa semestinya bisa disembuhkan, orang2 yang menderita karena ditindas sama orang yang lebih kaya atau berkuasa - mereka tuh ngga akan menderita lagi di sorga!

Di sorga ngga akan ada ratap tangis... Di sorga ngga akan ada dukacita... Di sorga ngga akan ada maut dan perkabungan... ngga ada air mata...

Dan karena itulah, kita sebagai orang2 yang mengaku sebagai anak Allah, udah sepantasnya hidup seperti Allah yang kita sembah, Allah yang telah menyelamatkan kita, dan Allah yang karakter-Nya mau kita ikuti dengan bantuan-Nya.

Kita sebagai manusia biasa, mungkin bisa ngga ambil peduli. Tapi kita sebagai orang2 yang udah diselamatkan dan ditebus, dan udah dikaruniai Roh Kudus Allah - masih bisakah kita bersikap "ngga peduli"? Atau lebih 'sopannya' - bersikap - "bisa apa" and memalingkan wajah kita???

Kalo Allah peduli sama mereka, bukankah kita, yang memiliki Roh-Nya seharusnya peduli juga???

Tapi, memang bener, gitu banyak masalah di negara kita ini! Kita cuma perlu baca koran, langsung kita tau separah apa keadaan negara kita ini... Dan satu2nya yang bisa memberikan harapan hanyalah harapan kita akan sorga - sorga tanpa dosa...

Makanya, sepeduli apapun kita ama orang2, ga akan ada guna kalo akhirnya mereka ngga akan nyampe tempat yang tanpa dosa itu... Sebagian dari kita perlu diingetin soal ini. Soalnya kita kadang terlalu terpaku ama kebutuhan2 idup mereka di dunia ini, ampe lupa kalo kita idup disini tuh cuma 50-60 ato 70, 80, ato lebih kalo ada umur panjang. Tapi, gimana nanti seudahnya?

Tapi juga, ada sebagian dari kita yang perlu juga diingetin... Kalo pesen yang bisa mendamaikan mereka sama Penguasa tempat tanpa dosa itu, adalah pesen tentang kasih Penguasa itu. Dan mana bisa kita menyebarkan pesan kasih itu kalau cuma disebarkan lewat omongan doang, tapi sikap dan tindakan kita ngga ngegambarin kasih yang begitu dalam itu? Kasih yang udah ditunjukin ama Dia ke kita - kasih yang memberi kita lebih daripada apa yang layak kita terima!

Indo Blog Posts

Gua sadar kalo bahasa dominan di otak gua sekarang - and has been for a while - tuh, bukan Indo, tapi Inggris. Bukan sombong ato gimana. Cuma kenyataan aja. Kenyataan bahwa kalo gua lagi refleksi, most likely bakalan switch ke Inggris.

Tapi, berhubung sekarang gua sedang berusaha memperbaiki Indo gua, gua coba nulis2 blog post kaya ginian pake Indo lagi. Biar aja Indo-nya mo amburadul soalnya campur pake segala macem bahasa yang gua tau, yang penting gua berusaha memfamiliarkan gua sendiri lagi ama bahasa Indo.

Selaen itu, ada alesan laen sih, kenapa gua coba nulis2 pake Indo gini... Sehubungan dengan alesan yang dah gua bilang diatas, yaitu kalo gua lebih comfy nulis/mengekspresikan pikiran2 gua pake Inggris, sekarang, kalo nulis pake Indo, gua cuma bisa nulis yang ringan2 n ga terlalu berat. Dan ini sebenernya mungkin bagus, biar kalo orang baca, ngga terlalu overwhelmed gimana ama apa yang gua tulis... =)

Glimpses of Life Over Here - Part 4

Di depan rumah gua, banyak banget pedagang kaki lima! Sepanjang jalan depan rumah gua, semua pedagang kaki lima!

Kalo sore, sekitar jam 5-7-an gitu, suka banyak anak muda nyanyi di depan. Toko sih dah tutup, tapi gua kadang bisa denger dari jendela kamar. Lagu yang mereka nyanyiin bagus2 sih, and lumayan bikin orang mikir, kalo menurut gua. Soalnya mereka bukan cuma nyanyi lagu2 yang populer, tapi juga lagu2 yang menggambarkan kenyataan hidup - lagu2 yang merupakan warta sosial masyarakat kita.

Dulu, malem sebelom tidur juga sering denger. Sekarang dah lebih jarang siih...

Mereka2 inilah alasan kenapa lagu "Bujangan" tuh salah satu lagu favourite gua kalo karaoke! =) Gua bukan suka lagunya per se ato suka liriknya. Gua suka lagu itu, soalnya lagu itu ngingetin gua ama rumah... and ngingetin gua juga ama penyanyi2 di bawah jendela! =)