Interesting observations...

Two different people seemed to pick up that reality... A reality that was still not obvious to my conscious self...

I was surprised to hear it from her... That that was the result of her observation...

I was even more surprised to hear a very similar observation mentioned to me by someone else, the day after(!)...

I guess, he was just an observant guy... or it could be that he knew what I had been thinking all these times, and so was able to see my change of tone...

But the first observer - I think she made an interesting comment... And I wasn't sure that she was right... But now that I've thought a bit more about it, I think she could be right...

I'm no longer doing this for others... of course I'm still doing this in relation to who I am wrt to my Master. But yeah, I've made this my plan, my mission. I'm no longer doing this for anyone else... And so, I will not be as easily as discouraged as before...

They might focus and achieve what they want to do or they might change their minds or play around... It doesn't matter that much to me now...

I am going to do this because this is what I want to do. I'm doing this for my Master, and myself.

Might sound selfish to those who don't get it =) But it's not... =)

I'm just basically saying - this is now my plan. Sure, like minded people will help me greatly... but yeah, this is now my plan...

Hard to describe... =) Maybe after thinking a bit more, I will be able to describe this in a better way =)

At the moment though, I'm pretty happy to be able to be clear in my mind that this is my plan... and it's good to have like minded people around... but even if not, if they are not around... I still have a 50 year master plan to realise! =) (with the help of my Master of course)

Dimana Tuhanku, menitipkan aku...

I will always remember the time when I was praying with the two of them, back in my second world, earlier this year... when the sister prayed for me... when she thanked God for placing me where He had decided to place me...

It is true, He decided which part of my country I should have come from... It was not without a purpose that He placed me in that place, amongst those people...

And that's why, when I found this song today - I somehow thought that it is a beautiful song! =)

Berita Cuaca a.k.a. Lestari Alamku, Lestari Negeriku
by Gombloh

Lestari alamku
Lestari desaku
dimana Tuhanku
menitipkan aku

Nyanyi bocah-bocah di kala purnama
Nyanyikan pujaan untuk nusa…

Damai saudaraku
Suburlah bumiku
Kuingat ibuku dongengkan cerita
kisah tentang jaya Nusantara lama
tenteram karta raharja disana…

Mengapa tanahku rawan kini
Bukit-bukit pun telanjang berdiri
Pohon dan rumput enggan bersemi kembali
Burung-burung pun malu bernyanyi…
,o^o;
‘
Kuingin bukitku hijau kembali
Semak rumput pun tak sabar menanti
Doa ‘kan kuucapkan hari demi hari
Kapankah hati ini lapang kini…

Lestari alamku
Lestari desaku
dimana Tuhanku
menitipkan aku

Nyanyi bocah-bocah di kala purnama
Nyanyikan pujaan untuk nusa…

Reff:
Lestari alamku
Lestari desaku
dimana Tuhanku
menitipkan aku

Kami ‘kan bernyanyi
di purnama nanti
nyanyikan bait
padamu negeri…

Damai saudaraku
Suburlah bumiku
Kuingat ibuku dongengkan cerita
kisah tentang jaya Nusantara lama
tentram karta raharja disana…

from: http://jiwamusik.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/berita-cuaca/

Sebuah lagu dari masa lalu...

(somehow the song came to mind this morning =))

Indonesia …
Merah darahku, putih tulangku
Bersatu dalam semangatmu

Indonesia …
Debar jantungku, getar nadiku
Berbaur dalam angan-anganmu

Kebyar-kebyar, pelangi jingga

Indonesia …
Nada laguku, symphoni perteguh
Selaras dengan symphonimu

Kebyar-kebyar, pelangi jingga

dari lagu Kebyar-Kebyar oleh Gombloh

Lebih dari sekedar angka...

Saya dengar, nama aslinya sebenarnya Osama. Tapi, saya dan orang tua saya selalu menyapanya dengan sebutan "Pak Haji" saja setiap kali kami bertemu dengan dia.

Tidak tahu kenapa, tapi dalam bayangan di otak saya, dia selalu memakai pakaian putih seperti pakaian orang-orang seagamanya yang mengerti ajaran agama mereka dengan cukup dalam. Mungkin pada kenyataannya, dia tidaklah selalu memakai baju putih. Tapi kalau topi putih Haji-nya, saya yakin itu bukanlah hanya sesuatu yang ada di benak saya saja. Topi itu memang selalu dia pakai di kepalanya - topi yang "memisahkannya" dari orang-orang disekitarnya.

Orangnya sudah agak tua. Sopan, berwibawa dan selalu tersenyum ramah setiap kali ia mampir ke toko orang tua saya.

Dia datang hampir setiap hari, sekitar pukul 4 - 4.30 sore. Datang membawa uang Rp 100.000,- untuk ditukarkan dengan 100 lembar uang ribuan. Untuk kembalian yang belanja. Dia berjualan ayam goreng di tanda kaki lima di seberang jalan.

Saya tidak akan lupa senyumnya... garis-garis di wajahnya, dan kerutan-kerutan di sekitar kelopak matanya ketika ia tersenyum...

Saya tahu, dia adalah seorang Haji... Saya tahu apa artinya itu! Dan saya juga tahu apa artinya itu bagi kehidupan masa depannya jika ia tidak merubah pandangannya tentang Yesus selama ia masih bisa!

Saya tahu...

Dan oleh karena itulah, saya tidak mau 'meninggalkan' dia, dan banyak lagi 'teman-teman' saya yang lain di kota kelahiran saya sana, begitu saja..

Bagi saya, mereka bukanlah hanya sekedar angka-angka saja... Mereka bukanlah hanya "sebagian" atau "beberapa orang" dari sekian banyak juta orang di negara itu yang merupakan pemeluk agama terbanyak di sana!

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang saya kenal... Mereka memiliki kepribadian... senyuman... kesedihan...

Mereka berbicara... Mereka hidup... Mereka bernama...

Namanya, Pak Haji Osama...

Reason behind the dream...

No, I didn't dream or wish to be a better creative non-fiction writer just for the sake of it...

Yes, I do find writing fun and enjoyable =) and yes, it is something that God has given me ability in... But there is more to it than those things...

You see, ever since last I read Walt Disney's biography, I have made a 50 year master plan. I know, I'm not a master. I'm only my Master's slave. And so, any 'master plan' I have should be in line with my Master's Plan - to reconcile the world to Himself. And I do believe mine is. =)

True, my Lord might come back before the 50 year is ended and it would be great! Cos there would be no need for that plan anymore! =)

Or my Lord might decided that it is time for me to return to Him - and I'd be so delighted if that's the case (imagine! - to finally get to see Him face to face!) =)

Or, as a woman, I do need to acknowledge the fact that I need to be flexible with any plans I made... And so I might change direction (or country etc) one day as long as it is still within my Master's Plan... But yeah, I am who I am and I plan as who I am at the moment. =) I plan as per now, for eternity... I don't worry about near future! =)

Anyway, while I'm waiting for either of those things to happen though, I am committed to carrying out my plan! =) And God willing, I'm so going to give all I can to realise that plan! =)

Now, what's the connection with my dream of being a creative non-fiction writer you ask? =)

Well, here is the connection... (or so I believe... =))

You see, the people who are in my 50 year master plan - are a group of people whom I believe, can be most effectively reached or taught through stories...

From my observation so far, it does seem that there was a strong culture of folk stories in the past, and even now, it seems that illustrations play quite an important role for those who try to get their ideas across to people - both in secular world (newspapers etc) or religious worlds...

I can be wrong of course. But it does seem that the most effective way (so far or at the moment anyway) to get the truth across to these people - would be through illustrations of things happening in daily life, or through short stories from daily lives that are able to present some grains of truth through them...

Truth taught through stories... creative non-fiction stories...

And that's why I'm doing what I've been doing! =) I want to be part of my own 50 year master plan! My part in it might just be really small, but it doesn't matter. I am so going to be creative and make the most out of every opportunity I have to be part of that plan! =) And that is how I plan to take part - as I think that plan gives me more flexibility in terms of place... Anyway, at least that's the plan for the moment =) (me being someone with lots of ideas, could easily change my mind soon =P)

But yeah, I have a 50 year master plan. Doesn't matter where my Master end up putting me, here or there, my master plan is still the same - to see His good news get back to my country of origin... to see His Kingdom and His people mature and built up... to see my Lord being glorified through His people there!

And that's the reason behind the dream...

Cita-cita... =P

Gua nulis notes banyak2 gini tuh bukan cuma iseng doa. Ada tujuannya! =)

Salah satunya... gua pengen jadi creative non-fiction writer! =)

And ampir semua buku tentang writing yang gua baca, selalu bilang, kalo mo jadi writer, mesti sering nulis... belajar nge-ekpresiin ide elu ke dalem tulisan. Mulai nulis aja. Terus ntar kalo mesti dibenerin lagi yah benerin. Tapi, nulis...

Of course mesti baca2 buat nambah pengetahuan juga lah. Dan gua baca2 buku soal writing juga, biar gua bisa improve teknik nulis gua. =)

This note is not one of the writings yang gua apply teknik2 yang dah gua pelajari =) Ini nulis iseng pas waktu otak dah ga kerja karena terlalu cape... =) Tapi mo tetep ngebiasin gua ngga berenti nulis - buat latihan =P

Swirling ideas...

Told a brother of (yet another) idea I shared with someone... and he said that I had all these great ideas, and yet I always got too busy to follow them up...

Well, I think that's partly people's fault(!) - of not being able to keep up with me! =P

My brain works almost all the time when I'm awake. Its wheels are constantly rotating and producing all sorts of ideas (great and not so great =)) and when I think of them, I usually have the energy to do them at that time.

But you see, in this 'normal' world, it usually takes quite a long time for people to respond to my idea! =( And so by the time they got back to me... I've moved on to my next great idea already! =P

This is sort of fun! =) - to constantly trying to come up with something new, something different and something exciting, I mean. =)

It's fun! =)

Anyway, I do have to admit that I was not created with a body that is able to keep up with all my 'great' ideas though =) Not complaining. I'm sure the Perfect Creator knew what He did... So yeah, not worrying either. Just a fact I need to live with. =)

I do look after myself pretty well actually. I exercise regularly. I eat regularly, and even eat more healthily now - and I don't snack unless I'm hungry. So yeah, I'm not being irresponsible with my health. =) I believe I'm actually quite strong for a woman =P

But yeah, to get back to the real issue... =) I am someone who have more ideas than I can carry on... =) That's why I love sharing my ideas with people =) So they can help me do something! =)

This afternoon, I managed to ask someone to help me carry on one of the ideas I shared with the brother on Friday. Far from done yet. But yeah, it's good to have more people doing things I can't possibly do alone =)

And last night I managed to do something else that was part of my "unfinished business" with another brother, too! =) And I'm quite happy about that. I know, it was only the start. And I still have much to do now... Not sure I can do anything now. But hope I can do a bit more tonight or tomorrow...

But yeah, the plan is for me to do as much as possible (esp all the admin bit) while people are still away so that I can concentrate on serving people once they are back! =)

Anyway... =) I'm so going to prove to that (first) brother that he is wrong! =) That I can have ideas and that I can carry them on! And if I can't, I can get people to carry them on! =) (and if not, well, God is in control =), and of course people do need to learn to get back to me sooner, too! =P Before I got too busy after committing myself into yet another thing! =P)

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant—

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant—
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind—

a poem by Emily Dickinson

Would you like to meet some of my friends? =)

I've been wanting to introduce you to some of the people who are part of my daily lives in Indonesia, but hadn't really got a chance until now... Well, I have at least 35 whose 'pictures' I want to briefly 'paint' here! =)

Because it seems that I'm making only slow progress, I have decided to just post what I have got written down first and then will update as I get the chance... and introduce more people in separate posts, I mean...

Anyway, here are first 16 of the people I encounter in my daily life back over there, whom I want to introduce to you:

1. Oom Surachman
He is a Raden and a native. My grandpa's friend from a long time ago. He was involved in many of the fights to get our country's independence. He has always been actively involved in Angkatan 45. 82 years old. The man whose Mum just passed away. He has always been very nice to our family. I do believe that my love for books might be related to what he's done for me in the past - taking me to the city's library, and buying me children's magazines weekly. His wife is also very old and sickly. And they are poor. Though they do have kids who look after them, and the country - do look after them to a certain extent. A grandfather figure to me, especially since I lost both of my grandpas quite a while ago.

2. Isah
One of the helpers in the house. She has been working for as long as I can remember, I think - since my childhood days. A very loyal helper. She always cooked nice foods for me when I'm back home! =) Her niece used to work in our house as well - as my brother's babysitter, but then resigned, worked for others, and then went overseas to work. The niece married a useless guy, who wasted the money she sent to look after her family, including school fees for their two sons. And so, Isah's sister (the niece's Mum) often turn to her for help.

3. Ci Dede
The oldest worker at the shop, I think. 'Oldest' in terms of longest working time. =) My parents' right hand person. A very nice person. She has 3 siblings, I think - or maybe cousins - they are closely related anyhow. Her brother used to work for us, too. But no longer. Her sister was married to one of my grandparents' shop workers. She died young, leaving her husband and two (?) very little kids. Her other brother, Ko Elan, used to work at my parents' shop, too. I know him, of course! He used to work for a long while, until he got too sick to work. Yes, their families are not that healthy. At the moment, he can only stay at home. He gets too tired even when he just moves around the house. Ci Dede is the one supporting him and their Dad.

4. Ko Bubun
One of the earliest workers at the shop, too. A Christian, as far as I know. Don't know him that much. But a loyal worker of course, considering he's worked with us for a while...

5. Ko Kholid
Ko Bubun's brother. Another Christian, I think. His son is a Buddhist though - my Mum's Vihara's Sunday School student. So not sure... He used to work at a well known foto lab in our city, until Ko Bubun brought him to work at our place. =)

6. Kang Dedi
Oom Surachman's nephew, I think. Or somehow related to him... A very loyal and responsible worker. Seemed quiet, but can be talkative. One of my parents' most trusted workers - not that others are not trusted. =) On the last night that I was at home, someone left our spare (recently repaired) motorbike in front of the store at the end of the day. He came back to tell my parents and to help us store it in the garage after the rest of the workers went home.

7. Yana
He was still VERY young when he first started working at our shop. He was a very quiet lad and yet VERY dilligent (he still is both quiet and dilligent now), oh, and shy. Now, he is married and his wife is 5 months pregnant. His wife lives with her parents in another city, so he has to travel every weekend to be with her, and to spend time with her - only a day or two per week. It was a happy news for me to hear that his wife is pregnant! =) I mean, that means that their relationship - even though between cities are still quite good (haha, I know some people won't believe I say that, but it's true, though, isn't it? It's good for married couple to maintain their married relationship well)

8. Kang Yadi
He is Yana's older brother. His wife is Yana's older sister. Not sure how come it worked out like that! =) His wife now lives together with him and their two children in my hometown though. She too, used to live with her parents in that other city before they had kids. He is another honest worker. Talks a bit more compared to Yana, and isn't as shy, but equally dilligent. =)

9. Deni
This chap serves as a real life example for me as to why such thing as "missionary dating" doesn't work! This is the story: When he first came to work at our shop, he went for Fr prayer. But then, he stopped going, because he said he was actually a Chr. Then, one day, he asked my parents permission to start going for Fr prayer again (public prayer). When my parents asked him why, wasn't he a Chr? He said he broke up with his Chr girlfriend, and so he was back to his first religion!

10. Anto
A very quiet person. Very hard working. Been very busy lately, esp since Ko Elan fell sick and stopped working. He is a trustworthy worker. Not sure where he is originally from. As in, which part of the country, since I don't think he is from somewhere nearby.

11. Lucy
One of our computer girls. Mum said she doesn't believe in anything, a free thinker, but I hadn't got a chance to talk to her yet... Since she is one of the computer girls, I do not see her that often, because when I helped my parents, I often spend my time at the shop, not inside... =(

12. Lia
Another one of our computer girls. She is apparently the younger of my sis' friend. She had been away (off sick) for a bit when I was there... Latest was diagnosed with Hep A. My parents sent her to another city several times for medical treatment. I think she is better now. She was due to come back to work the week after I left. Heard from mum that she is a pentecostal Christian...

13. Sun-sun
Another computer girl who also goes to the pentecostal church... She is caring and always says Hi when she sees us (me and my sis) back. =) Someone that I wished I had a chance to talk more about her church - just have some questions about some of its 'reputation' etc... Plan for next visit, I guess... =)

14. Anne
I think she is originally from the eastern part of Indonesia, somewhere... but then again, she might have lived in our area for a while... Her sister, Rini, came and worked with us first, and then she came also. Her sister now works in the school shop of a Christian school in our city. Anne, too, is a Christian. I forgot to ask if her husband is a Christian, too, though. Her husband happens to work at my uncle's shop next door. =) I did meet him once, but forgot to ask Anne to introduce him to me...

15. Merry
Merry is about 2 months pregnant. Her husband is Ojon, another worker in my parents' shop. =) They met there. When I said goodbye to her this time, I said to her that I might not see her around the shop anymore next time I go back home, because by then, she would be a stay at home mum... It was sad to say goodbye, even though I know that she would stop working for a good thing, still...

16. Ojon
Merry's husband. Can't remember which one of them started working at our place first. =) He was the one who told my parents about someone who used to work for my parents, Ko Weli. He told my parents how much poverty Ko Weli lives in at the moment. How he couldn't find a job because of his health problem, and so how he and his wife used to eat only once (and sometimes just rice) so that their child can eat. Ko Weli's wife had died now. It was hard enough to read about poverty and all the sufferings caused by it on newspaper... It was much harder when those people affected by those things are people you know personally by names...

These are real people. These, are people I consider friends. Please do think twice before you say anything "smart" / "thoughtful"... These people are real people to me... they are not objects of intellectual discussions of what about those who don't believe in Jesus and what problems we have as a country etc...

This time, I don't want to forget them... This time, I am holding on to my memories of them as long as I can... This time, I want to be in two places for as long as possible... I might be here... But I know I'm not fully back yet... And I'm not so sure I want to be fully back here yet... =)

Communication problems...

Been reading my Alkitab instead of my ESV Bible, and so been finding it harder and harder to pray out loud in English... Not that I can easily pray in Indo now... It's just... I've been listening to God in Indo... and so harder to talk to Him in English now... simply because it's kind of weird to communicate to someone like that I guess...

I mean, I know some people do that... Like me and Judy, a girl from the Mandarin fellowship... there are times when she talks to me in Mandarin, and I will reply to her in English... But it could only last for so long, because it's just weird! Especially when we can actually communicate in just one of the languages...

I won't say I'm finding it easy to read Alkitab now... and to understand it and think it through in Indo... I feel that I have trained myself SO well to think in English that it really is now the language that I think in - when I'm alone, or talking to God... Not saying my English is perfect or that I have totally forgotten my Indo... just that... I prefer that language??? I don't know...

But yeah, there are things that are worth some sacrifices, right?

Maybe, this vision is one of them...

Missing out...

60 doctors
1200 patients
350 soldiers/army/police
many other helpers!

The biggest social event ever - so far anyway - in that city...

and I wasn't there to be part of that all (!) ...

Prayed for the event and everyone involved of course!

Resolved and asked God for help to never forget reality of life over there...

Salam

Tau, bentar lagi mesti tidur, hehe. Soalnya dah cape and lagi sakit. Tapi pengen nulis aja dulu bentar. Apalagi soalnya dah dua minggu-an gitu belom nulis apa2. Otak gua kan ngga boleh dikasih istirahat terlalu lama, cepet karatannya soalnya! =P

Anyway, cuma lagi happy aja sih, soalnya barusan, ini malem dapet sms dari ade gua, yang ngebilangin gua kalo gua dapet salam dari salah satu anak toko! =) Very happy, hehe... =)

Besok2 lagi kalo nelpon rumah kayaknya bakalan coba nelpon ke salah satu telp yang bakalan mereka jawab instead of yang deket Papa n Mama gua deh. =) Kalo ngga titip salam balik dulu kali besok. =)

Anak toko ini lucu banget! =) Orang beda daerah ama gua. Bagian tengah ato timur yah(?) pulau yang sama. Jadi sering digodain ama Papa gua n anak2 yang laen. =)

Anaknya bae. Berani lagi. Maksudnya, berani ngajak gua ngomong and cerita2 gitu. Dia yang kemaren ini (di blog post gua yang dulu), waktu "ngelayat" ngajak gua duduk bareng mereka - bareng anak2 toko yang laen. Dia juga yang bilang kalo gua ngga robah banyak.

Gua seneng soalnya dia treat gua as a person gitu loh. Ngga cuma sebagai anak bos... tapi ngga ga hormat juga...

Hmmm... susah sih neranginnya... Pokoknya, gua anggap dia temen gua deh... Anak toko yang laen juga. Gua tau mereka semua by name and I was even thinking to "introduce" all of them to you one day! =) Through my writing of course! =) Tapi yang ini, salah satu yang spesial sih... =P

Anyway, gua mungkin ngerasa bisa relate ke dia, soalnya gua ngerasa nemuin temen senasib kali yah? Kita sama2 cuma bisa pulang sekali setaon, buat spend time ama keluarga kita. And ngga bisa selama yang kita mau. Biarpun buat gua, waktu gua ama family gua, tetep jauh lebih lama daripada waktu dia ama keluarganya. Gua suka mikir, kesian orang yang kerja di sana ato juga orang2 laen juga yang ngga punya that much say over their own lives, gitu loh...

It would be tricky to know how to start a 'salty and seasoned' conversation ama dia though... I think I will start by praying and keep working on the relationship for a start, I guess... =)